It is the sleeping dreams that I believe are the most personal. No one can ever really experience a dream of someone else. They may unknowingly be the subject of a dream or a minor character, but they can never really see or experience the alternate or ridiculously creative universe they were a part of for a brief period of time.
Except, there are occasionally dreams people have in which they claim the visitors have given them a very real message or reminder.
I had a dream last night. It was more or less the cause of an extensive day of thinking and talking about my babies. I had the opportunity to sit and share pictures and experiences with many loved ones. And my Angels were all that were on my mind the entire day. I longed to see one smile, feel one little hand in mine and give one kiss. And so my day went perfectly normal as I carried the memory of those perfect children, right where they belong, in my heart.
The last thing I looked at before I went to sleep was some of their pictures. They are getting so big! And growing so much! Some have moved to Casas, some have teeth, and others are walking!
I fell asleep and immediately through the memories of past... I was transported back to that place that has become somewhat of a safe haven for me, SVP. I walked up and down the halls. It was night time there and I just walked and reminisced. I went into Tres and saw a scene I had seen so many other times on night shifts, all my wonderful babies asleep in their cris. I picked up one and kissed him. I poked my head into Dos and reminded myself to come back for one special little boy and give him a hug. And then made my way into Uno and couldn't help but to smile at the teeny babies sleeping soundly.
And then my dream as usual, took a turn for the original. There were women there and they handed me one of the Tres kids (I wish I could use names!) and I felt his little sleepy head resting on my shoulder as I followed the women. I laid him down on a table and changed his diaper. I recalled his sweet laugh from a place far away and felt his fingers close around mine. (*hint for me remembering later this kid is an Angel!*)
I showered his face with kisses and placed him back in his crib. As I was being ushered out I quickly ran into Dos and lifted the other little boy from his crib. I smiled and he did his perfectly adorable, eyes closed and wide open mouth smile. I kissed him and held him close to me in a hug. I put him back in his crib and my dream began to do what they normally do best and transformed. Suddenly I was in the middle of an action packed dream where there were no familiar faces and no familiar faces.
But, as I woke up this morning I could not have been happier. My subconscious knew where I longed to be that day, and so, it projected a near perfect experience one that felt like reality at the time. I don't believe that I was doing anything other than having a good dream. Seeing their smiles and remembering a place I had been recently. And I loved every second I it. I felt compelled to enter it into my "online diary" so that on days when my whole being feels so drawn to them I can take comfort in knowing that access to those memories are only a nap away.
I am continually awed at the many things we take for granted. And most of them are as simple as a working brain that is wired in such a way that it can produce thoughts that begin to feel like reality. Just one more testament that we are children of a divine being, a King even, far greater than we could ever fathom.
And some recent pictures of the babies:
