Love...

I've been doing a lot of "self discovery" these past few months. I know I haven't posted in awhile and it's not that I haven't had anything to post. Because, I have been so very blessed. My father found a job. My mother had her cancer removed and has begun radiation. My brother, cousin and I are all moved into our new apartments (and it looks BEAUTIFUL might I add). My younger brother is loving college. And my youngest brother is doing well in school. That only barely skims the surface. I have much to be thankful for. 

This, however, is a deeper personal reflection. And just like most everything else in my life lately, it has to do with Ecuador. I am sure everyone who lives close enough to hear my talk is sick of Ecuador. But, I am not. I miss what I had there. I miss those kids. I miss having purpose. I miss that unconditional love and the way a baby feels in your arms. I miss speaking spanish (however elementary my vocabulary was). I miss those two months more than I miss any other period of my life. 

“You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” -Steve Jobs

I am going to be a teacher. I love kids. I love teaching. I love that purpose that comes with waking up each morning and knowing that you might not be changing a life, but that you are impacting one. 

President Monson has said about teaching: 

"To you... who are administrators and teaches, you will stand before those who have struggled and saved and planned so that they might be your students. Treat them with dignity and provide them your very best. You not only teach a subject; you also mold human nature. You light the lamp of learning, that through your spirit,  your  faith,  and your love,  will bless generations yet to be born.  Your opportunities are NOT dissimilar to the Master Teacher, even Jesus Christ, the Son of God."

"Who is the teacher you remember from your youth? I would guess that in all probability it was the one who knew your name, who welcomed you to class, who was interested in you as a person, and who truly cared."

"The mark of a master teacher is indelible. It makes no difference whether or not he is teaching literature or mathematics or science or any other subject of the curriculum. He must win from his students faith that moves mountains. When he succeeds, near-mireacles happen. Suddenly a pupil is awakened to an enthusiastic interest in some aspect of learning and begins to read widely without being urged. Another discovers in himself powers that he did not know he had. Another decides to seek better companions. In a flash of inspiration, still another makes a decision that leads to a lifetime career."

After being in Ecuador I have a greater desire to serve and to help those that need it. I recognize how blessed I am and how ungratefully I have lived the past 20 years of my life. There are so many worldwide and even those in the United States that live so far below what I have always known as "normal." How ignorantly I lived until I saw. 

I know it is not my call in life to live in Ecuador and take care of those kids forever, as much as I wish that it was. There is more that I will be led to achieve and I can only pray it is as noble of a cause as taking care of those precious and perfect children. 

I hope that the remaining years I have at BYU I will be able to learn how to become the best teacher. I hope that through practice in the classroom I will one day be able to make an impact on student's lives. For it is so often that we forget our divine identity. We are not merely humans/people left to wander in confusion. I know I am a child of God. I know His hand is far more prevalent in my life than I ever had realized. And I know that there is no greater call than that of a teacher, mother, sister or friend. 

As I sat in Sunday School on Sunday, I found myself doodling on the notebook I bring to church. By the time I was finished I had come up with my own "quote." It read:

"Every person, no matter their age, race, religion, education, nationality or  social status IS a Child of God. Treat them like it. And remember you are NO different."

Those children in Ecuador changed my life and my mindset. I know it probably sounds silly, but I owe so much of what I am becoming to their sweet smiles, kindness and unconditional love. 

(I actually want to become fluent in Spanish and work at a Title II school. It's a new dream of mine. I love my brown babies. :)   ).

The Cutest Kids You'll Ever Meet...

These children are perfect. And I am not just saying that to be nice. They legitimately can do no wrong. From the time they wake up saying “hola” and offering kisses to the minute they fall asleep in your arms (or kicking and screaming) and bring them to their cribs they are solely angelic. 

CLICK TO ENLARGE! :)

 I haven’t blogged lately. We are always going! I really am trying to make the very most of my trip here. I am not excited to go back. That’s not true. I am so very excited to see my family and friends that I haven’t seen in months. But, I can’t even think about leaving without getting teary eyed.

FACE SHOTS OF SOME OF THE BABIES

Smiles in the morning. :)

 It will be hard to go back to the states. It will be weird to see people with such excess complaining about the most trivial things. It will be weird to be surrounded by white people. It will be weird to see babies with families, and know that thousands of miles away my babies are going without a goodnight kiss from a mom or dad. It will be weird knowing that there will be new “Chicas” to take my place and that I won’t even get to hand pick the replacements. I want to bring all the children back with me and give them loving families. I want to keep them all too, so I have a dilemma.

 I have never seen more well-behaved newborns or toddlers. In all honesty. And I have never seen cuter faces or smiles.

 One of my favorite things to do is to get on my hands and knees and chase them around outside. They think it is hilarious and I love their laughs. Occasionally one of them will turn and face me and run at me arms open wide and “tackle” me to the ground. I love throwing them in the air and seeing that shocked but ecstatic look on their face. I love spinning them in circles and watching their faces get bigger. I love dancing with them to music and watching their little bodies move to the beat. I love it when one of the boys when you are changing him, if you tell him to dance, he gets up on the changing table and shakes his bum in your face/out the window. It is absolutely priceless.

 The other day Soeur and the workers threw us a combined birthday party. Well, for Janessa, Colby, Leah and Karlee. I took one of the little boys on my lap and I shared my cake with him. And my coke. I’m going to be such a good mother. ;)

The two cutest faces EVER! :)

Such an angel. :)

 Anyway, I love them. I have never had my heart stolen so quickly or taken so completely. South America most definitely has a giant monopoly over my heart.

My heart... is in their tiny hands. 

open mouth kisses!

She's been adopted!! :)

STOP. Pajama Time.

Please… don’t make me leave. 

Mis Ángeles

(I am not allowed to use names.)

My heart was stolen the moment I walked into the orphanage. Except, stolen is a negative word. My heart was not taken without consent. In fact I quite eagerly handed over my heart to these beautiful, sweet, kind, loving, special and perfect children. I want to introduce you and remind myself later to/of them.


I loved each of these children before I met them. I was so excited to come and to give of my time to help serve them. But, in all actuality it is they who have served me. I have been here one week and I have learned more about myself the qualities I possess, the qualities I lack and those I want to develop than in all 20 years of my life. I have learned what it means to be shown real love by children who are so eager to give it. They don't hesitate to run up and hug you. They don't shy away from a quick kiss on the cheek, wrapping their hand around your finger or just looking at you with love in their eyes. They have been a tremendous blessing to me and I cannot wait for the next 7 weeks.

Each child has a story. Each child was found, taken or given up from/by their parents. Some were found in horrible circumstances; abandoned on a railroad track, dumpster or side of the road. Others were taken from abusive, unfit or overly neglecting parents. And some were given up they day they were born because the parents would be unable to provide a suitable life for these kids.

You never know the circumstances of the parents and their reasoning for doing what they did. And I find it near impossible to judge them. However, it is their loss because all the children here are treasures.

Sala Uno: Newborn-6 months. It's really hard not to be emotional when you are working with these sweet, sweet babies. My heart breaks when a worker insists I prop their bottle as opposed to feeding them in my arms. These cute little kids need love and that human to human connection. It almost makes me angry when I realize the fact that some of these babies fall asleep better after having their bottle propped than in your arms. On the other hand, I am filled with such love, peace and happiness when I look into their eyes and know the potential that these babies have. I am holding future Policemen, Businessmen, Teachers, Mothers, Fathers and Politicians in my arms. They do not start out on the same playing field as the rest of us, but they will do great things. I know it.

This boy does two things... eat and sleep. Ha

He's teeny tiny! So little! So sweet!

Bundled up in layers upon layers!

She's so cute. 

Brand new baby boy! :) Look at that hair!

The picture doesn't do this guy justice! He's teeny!!

This little boy has a smile that can light up the room. 

A couple other things about Sala Uno... they can't talk but are so full of personality. They don't hesitate to pee, poop or spit up ALL over you. But, the thing is... you just don't care! :)

Sala Dos: 6 Months-around a year (when they can walk). They can't walk, or talk and yet they aren't quite infants. They aren't high maintenance  and don't ask you to run around with them in the yard. Instead all they ask is for a little attention and encouragement. Encouragement to sit up, roll over and eventually walk. A reassuring smile as their bum hits the floor after taking their first steps. Like all the children here they ask for love. And as soon as you walk into that room and see them looking up at you love is not hard to give.

I love him. Talk about adorable...

He's teeny! When he got to the orphanage he was really malnourished...
His tummy is back to a good size but his legs are TWIGS! :) So cute!

This dude just moved up from Sala Uno. He's like the HAPPIEST baby alive. 

A smile cute enough to kill ya! ;)

My little angel!

Putting on shoes! :)

She's got a smile that will stop you in your tracks too! So sweet!

He's a sweetheart. But, he has something wrong with his back. He arches it
and it's painful. It's one of the hardest things to see. It looks painful. But, he
loves to be held. And he WILL fall asleep on you!

I was over Sala Dos this picture day... Just chillin' in the ball pit. 

I love them!!!

Earrings and hair... not fun around babies! :)

<3 My little man!

Such a sweet girl!

He's quiet... but, he loves a lap to sit in!

Do they come any happier/cuter?!!

Sala Tres: These kids are 1year(walking)- about 2 years or whenever they are walking really well and starting to talk for themselves. (After this they move to Casas. That means they go live with about 6 other kids (ages 2-16) in an apartment with a full-time "mom." They are adorable. They are so sweet. They run up and give you hugs. When you walk in their room in the morning all of them are standing (poop covered) in their cribs yelling "Hola Chicas! Hola!" And even though the smell is the first thing that your senses notice, their faces and smiles are the only thing that matters. They love hugs. They love kisses. They love food. And sopa (a homemade baby food... blended, chicken and vegetables) some like... others hate. I love these kids. Really, nothing makes me smile more than knowing that I am doing something to make their young lives better. They love without restraint, forgive immediately and need someone to love them. And like the other two Salas... it's emotional. These kids will do extraordinary things. They have learned to live in a situation that I would not wish on anyone. But, despite the fact that they are surrounded by 10 brothers and sisters all their own age, eating the same thing for lunch/dinner every day (with little variation) or without a mom and dad to love them unconditionally they are happy. They are kind. And they, for the next two months are, without any restraint, mine to love.

He loves to be hugged and will run up and hug your legs if you get close. :)

This boy is an ANGEL. He's getting adopted THIS WEEK!!!!

Beautiful baby model status?

She can be a little whiny... but when she smiles... :)

He's BEING ADOPTED THIS WEEK TOO! :))) He's so cute!
And... side note.. he can throw a temper and make his body
shake just like one of my little brothers used to! (Who will not  be named). :)

Most of Sala Tres... and Mikele! :)

In the Sala Tres playroom... where the majority of their day is spent. :/

He reminds me of Blake. Right now he is transitioning up to Casas! We(and he is too)
are sad to see him go!

Short story... they have like 6 of these "cars". The kids
ride them up and down the hall together. It's hilarious.
They ride them from one end to the other and refuse to stop!
So, they slam into this gate (and the door at the other end) and
just laugh and laugh and laugh. It's like the funniest/cutest
thing ever!!

He's a sweet heart! :) He sleeps with Sala Dos but plays with Tres! He's getting
ready to move up permanently. 

Mikele and Sala Tres. Brandi is in the background doing what we have learned
to do best... wiping noses!

Just chillin' in the actual play bin! 

Taking the kids from Sala Tres who can walk the best... on a walk!
I love them in their hats. I love how they walk. I love taking them!

He is adorable. I call him Grandpa. Cause he kinda looks like a Grandpa! :) 

Mikele, A, F, J, A, Brandi, J, S and McCall! :)

Is she cute or what?!

Those hats... that look, those lips, eyes, skin ah! He's adorable! The sad thing is,
the darker you are here the harder it is to find work when you are older. And,
most people don't want a dark skinned baby. Even though he is beautiful!

He's being adopted within the next few months. Which is sad... I want him!
Well, I would take any of them if I could. But, he's my bud!

Just hangin' out... in those hats. Ha

The 6 best walkers!

See! How cute?!

They love to sit at the fence and watch the cars go by. Oh... and food. Ha

His cute little hands! He's got a really sweet smile too!

One of our last walks with this cute boy!

She is so funny when she gets a little hyper! She will wrap her arms around
your neck in the morning and just hang there. Let go, laugh and smile!

Don't mind me. I'm just modeling for baby gap. 

Watching the cars, the people and seeing the world! :)

The workers call him "Blancito." Because he's really white. Those cute teeth!

Not my best picture. But he looks cute! :)

A nice head bonk. He was looking right before this. (He is the one who is
transitioning from Dos to Tres). His shirt is different because he got the other
one dirty!

One of the boys being adopted this week. We call him stitch. But, look
how easy it would be to love that little face!!!

Literally, the sweetest woman alive, Sor Christina.

Not sure if this is a model pic... but that is the face he makes about... 90%
of the time. It cracks me up!!

Mi Tipo. 

Those eyes, that nose, smile, ears and those adorable kissing cheeks!

The littlest Diva. :)

Feeding him Sopa. 

And after his walk and snacks... he is NOT having it! We have to feed this to
each kid in Sala Dos and Tres every evening for dinner... and it can be a battle. 

I have had Sopa spit in my face, down my hands arms and clothes. They have it
running down their chin, try to knock the spoon/bowl away. It's frustrating some
nights, but it can be fun. The workers do it so fast though that sometimes the kids
are choking! I'm not that hardcore. My goal before I leave is to feed ONE child
sopa and not get ANY on their bib. Near impossible some days. 

Playing in the yard. Talk about a kissable face?!

Look at how cute he is?!

Running around the yard. :) 

What an angel! :) They all are though!

This girl... she's a heartbreaker for sure. :)

My first and only picture with him because he leaves this WEEK!! :)

Each room is filled with individually, unique children. They are all good at something. They are all capable of doing amazing things. These children may not have families. But, they have volunteers who readily put their heart up for grabs. These kids are loved and will remain loved, remembered and cherished by many for the rest of their lives. It is hard to fathom the amount of inherent talent these young people hold and will share with the world. Through the sweat, tears, poop, smiles and laughs my time here has been well spent. I am forever thankful and grateful to those who helped make it happen and the wonderful children who have blessed my life more than they will ever know. 

I LOVE THEM.