I've been thinking lately... I really miss home.
I had a wonderful weekend in which I got to go to Ogden and spend time with my family and friends there. It felt good to be in a house again. A house that came with a mom, a dad (even though he was absent), a refrigerator with food that actually looked appetizing, a home cooked meal, a real bed and family.
I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss Hayden and Blake. I miss my Grandma. I miss my friends. I miss my bed. I miss my house. I miss my car. I miss coming home and talking to my mom about my day. I took a lot for granted and I made a resolution to stop doing that.
I am thankful for the things I have. I am especially thankful for the wonderful memories I have. I can't think of anything I wish would've played out differently. I can't think of any MAJOR decisions I would alter.
I miss my Dad. I miss him everyday. I know I don't call him as much as I should. But, I love him. I am forever thankful for his example. I am so grateful that I am able to be his only daughter. I know that I was blessed and me and my brothers are extremely lucky to have him as our father. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. Hands down. I want my husband to be my dad. Not like that. I regret not calling him like I should've. I regret not being as nice as I should be. I regret not taking his help on homework with kindness, appreciation and respect. I miss him. I miss his hugs. I miss his dumb comments. Ok, not dumb. I miss his smile and his laugh. I miss seeing him walk into the kitchen after work, looking stunning as usual in his professional attire. I miss sitting by him in Sacrament and him putting his arm around me. I miss his example. I miss talking about really anything and the conversation never being awkward. I miss his forever long Sunday prayers. I miss him. I think he is wonderful and I love him.
I miss my Mom. I call her almost everyday. And I am forever thankful for the friend, parent, mentor and guidance counselor she is to me. I know that what I say to her stays with her, and I miss her a lot. I miss climbing on her bed late at night and talking with her. I miss her getting mad at me for making fun of her working out. I miss her talking with my friends. I miss going on car rides/errands with her just for the company. I miss her incredibly awkward comments about kissing people. I miss seeing her when I talk to her. I miss yelling down the stairs to find out where she is. I miss answering the phone and people mistaking me for her. (An extremely generous compliment as I would have some pretty big shoes to fill). I miss going to find her glasses/purse as she sits on the computer. I miss making fun of some of her whacky clients. I miss her food. I miss sitting on the counter as she makes food. I miss her joking around with us except when we take it too far. I miss playing board games with her cheating/cocky self. I miss the fun times I have had with her and each of my brothers. I miss her genuine interest in my life. I miss her terribly. I miss everything from her designer sunglasses to her calendar with all our appointments to her banning us from food because we complain to coming home and immediately feeling loved by someone especially on the hardest of days.
I love my family. I love them all so very much. I really do. And the more I think about growing up the more I dread it. I have already moved out of my house and to a new state and I can't take much more I don't think. I have never been one to despise or fear change. I have semi-embraced the thrill of finding out who is in my class on the first day of school or the new and different.
But, I am not ready to leave for long periods of time. I miss everything too much. I was blessed beyond measure where family (especially parents) are concerned.
These weird emotional breakdown/catharsis things are getting annoying! (One every semester is too much!) In a way though, I love them. They make me realize what I have and keep me from taking everything for granted. Because I had the life. I have the life. But, I'm not ready to grow up. I need my parents. I need my brothers. This change is one I have mixed feelings about. I'm not sure what i'll do when the time comes to make that change. Probably cry some more. And then put my big girl panties and grow up.
Goodnight.