October 6, 2010

It snowed today. Like legitimately snowed. As in I was walking across campus and it was snowing.

It didn't stick here but, the mountains are covered. Which makes me really excited to snowboard. And really unexcited (is that a real word) to be cold.

I don't have too much to say. I got a job. I love it. I love my job. How many people can say that? I really enjoy going to work that I don't really mind waking up at 6:30. And I don't mind making money either.

My schedule is as follows:
Monday:

• Work 8-11
• Living Prophets 11-12
• Biology 12-1
• Break/Lunch with Ana 1-2
• Comparative Literature 2-3
• Break 3-4
• Communications 4-5:15. 
• Home/library/review... depends on the day. 

Tuesday:

• Work 8-11
• Break 11-12
• Work 12-2
• Break 2-5
• ASL 5-6:30
• Home/library/review/study... again depends on the day.

Wednesday = Monday. Thursday= Tuesday.

Friday:

• Work 8-12
• Biology Lab 12-1
• Break/Lunch 1-2
• Comparative Literature 2-3
• 3-end of day... anything. 

I wake up early. I go to bed early. I don't hang out much. But, that is fine with me! As long as the days turn to weeks and the weeks to months. I am excited to hopefully apply/get into my major. I am excited to start taking more classes for my major. So.. this semester needs to be over. Cause I am so sick of generals.

252 days till it's a year.

617 till he's home.

But, who's counting. Gosh. I miss him.

College Round 2

I just got news about my used to be major. I was a communications disorders major. I went to their office and found out that the job I was describing has a name... Occupational Therapy. A major only offered at the University of Utah. And it was weird. Yesterday, as I started classes... I just got weird about my choice to make Communications Disorders my major. So, I went to the advisement center. To say they were very little help... would be an understatement.

I don't really know what I want to do. What I want to be. And I don't like my Interior Design class already. The teacher just rubs me wrong. So, square one. I miss William. I have no idea what I want to do. If I should drop classes. Agh. It's frustrating. And I want to cry. But, I'm stuck in this library tearing up all while trying to act normal.

Anyway, I just don't really know. And it's frustrating. And I just don't know. And I keep saying that. But, that's really all I can think of to say.

My room looks awesome. My mom is amazing. Gosh. I really am so lucky to have her. And my dad. He really is the most wonderful man alive.

Anyway, we worked really hard. We got down there Wednesday, and with a lot of help unpacked the car and attempted to clean and decorate the room. It was a daunting task that would take 3 days. Here is what we started with:

We slept there and the next day got right to work. We spent the next couple days cleaning, running to the store, visiting Chase and more decorating. Finally, my room was complete. And it looks splendid. I can’t express in words how much time and effort went into this room. And I can express even less how much I enjoyed having my mom come and help. It was something I know I could never have accomplished without her. She is always there when I need her… except for when I called her on the phone today. ;) Just kidding. And I loved having her here in Provo with me.

Here is my room and a description of how lovely it all looks.

This is my side of the room. For the most part. Complete with all my valuables and bedding. And of course the necessary pictures of some of my loved ones!! That is the shelf we bought. It came in handy and has been a major asset! As you can see. That little Minion. Well... her name is Bianca Flowers. The third roommate. 

Wider angle of my half. I have my study area. And a better picture of the bed and what it looks like when it's all made up. 

This is my desk. Behind it ... my collection of waterbottles. And then there is my book bag. Filled.

This is my closet. It has all my favorite pictures of people on it. With room for some to be added. My jewelry is off to the side and then leaking onto the door. I forgot to take a shot of inside my closets. So, maybe later.

This is our kitchen. I mainly put it up because I was able to bring a little piece of home back with me... The Rita's poster!!

On and behind our bedroom door. It has my poster! William's mother made it for me. And then the wreath on the door that Jessie made. As you can see everything matches perfectly. Down to the posters. ;)

This is the dresser with world's teeniest drawers. And then my wall which kind of leaked onto Jenna's half but, I don't think she mind. That's Justin Bieber... looking classy as ever. 

A shelf on my desk. Used to hold all the books I will be reading this year. Yes. All of those. :(

Our serving area is small in comparison to the eating area. Or maybe this is the cooking area and where the table is, is the eating area. I don't really know. Either way, that part of the kitchen is small. 

Our living room. We have 2 couches and a massive TV. The TV came with the apartment. We have yet to buy or install cable. Which is fine with me, because if I'm watching anything... it's a movie. 

This is the bathroom. Not much more I can say on that. Oh! There is a poster of Wall-E behind the door and one of William Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean above the toilet. 

Just another view of my desk and my bed. 

My "shrine" (and I use that word lightly) picture turned out blurry. So, when I open my hallway closet and then my actual room closet... I'll take pictures and include them on a later blog. 

My original post was going to be more upbeat. But, I am in kind of a bummed mood. And just don’t know what I want to do. Or anything. So… sorry for this lame post.

Recap: I am majorless. I don’t know what I want to do. I can’t think of what I’m good at and help apply it to a career. I am missing William like crazy, Provo is doing me in slowly. And I love my mom and have the BEST room ever. On a plus side I am trying to be social and make friends in my ward. It is coming along slowly, but I am trying.

P.s. My mom is the best. 

Anxiety...And a Catharsis of Sorts.

I am ready for Will to leave. Not because I want him to be gone and not because I'm tired of him. But, I am tired of anticipating the day when my days of "normalcy" will ultimately come to a screeching halt. I can't really focus on much else other than... I can't even TALK to him come Sunday. He gets set apart the 12th and reports to the MTC on the 15th. What?

Just yesterday it was January. And Jenna and I were at some silly stake dance. There we spotted Luke and his roommates. Really knowing very few other people from our new ward we went up and introduced ourselves to the four (we already knew Luke) of them. I thought Will seemed nice. Quiet and very soldiery (which is weird cause I later found out he was in ROTC... it was just the way he carried himself?), but nice.

Today, we've been dating for a little more or less than 5 months. Weird that we don't exactly have an anniversary? It was more of like a series of days than just ONE day. That's OK. It makes us different.

I am going to write down the weird chain in which I know Will, so that one day later on I will realize how blessed I was to have some of the experiences I had both semesters. And to realize how much the Lord's hand really is in our lives. Even if it's only to look back with fond memories of my freshman year (I hope it is more than that... ) I want to be able to remember just how intricate us meeting was.

I'll start at the beginning. Room selection day:

1. If only I had listened to my Aunt Brenda and roomed in her old hall (Whitney) I would've met Will first semester. But, I didn't. I for some reason decided on Harris... mainly because it was SUPER close to campus.
2. I added Nikole Clayton on facebook as a friend. And as the day closed and I had 4 other roommates I quickly logged on and tried to stalk them on facebook as well. 
3. I kept getting a room swap request from some girl in Gates Hall. I never took it because, well I had "met" Nikole and really liked her and she didn't know who the girl was... so, I never took it. 
4. Thus, I ended up in 60 Harris Hall. 

Move-in Day:

1. Basically the most important piece to the puzzle here is that I met Nikole and Jenna. 
2. Also, a big piece is that Jenna was my roommate. And that she was from Indiana. And that she had very few youth in her ward and spent a lot of time 4 hours south... in her cousins ward... which also happened to be Luke's ward. 

Over the course of Fall semester Nikole, Ashley, Jenna and I bonded. However, we had a little bit of a clash with our other 2 roommates and eventually decided that it would be best (for all 6 of us), if we moved out. Ashley had found a spot in Fox Hall, Nikole was moving back home and me and Jenna were on the hunt. Ideally we wanted to stay together.

Room swapping:

1. I tried everywhere. Girls just weren't wanting to switch! Many had just never changed their swap preference from room selection day. Basically... a bunch of dead ends. 
2. I talked to a lot of girls who knew people who were moving. I tried with them, but really I just kept getting shut down! 
3. Finally, I logged on in a desperate attempt clicked on a bed in 232 Whitney Hall that happened to be orange. (Looking to swap). I came back later that day to find that she had accepted. I Travis, Josh and Jourden who were in that ward and immediately texted Travis to find out who the girl was and was her roommate trying to swap as well. 
4. As fate would have it these two girls wanted out as well. So, after much talking and asking (some other girl had taken Jenna's spot in the room before she could... so I sent an email to her) me and Jenna were BOTH settled in Whitney Hall. 

Jenna and Luke:

1. Luckily Jenna knew Luke from back home... So, once we found Luke at the dance we started hanging out with them more often. 
2. We even scoured both of our phones for 3 "cute, single girls" to come hang out with us so that there wouldn't be a 5-2 boy to girl ratio one night. 
3. One night when I was looking for something to do... I invited myself over  to their apartment and me and Will, Ben, Luke and Skyler went to Panda. We basically swapped awkward date stories, funny first semester stories, what girls/boys like on a first date and how to tell if someone is interested. That night Will asked me out on a date. He says I wasn't dropping any hints that I wanted him to and therefore was clearly being bold. But, he obviously wasn't picking up any of the hints I dropped to say the very least. :)

Just weird how it all works out huh? Basically the wrong hall but the right roommate. And then the right roommate with the right friend. And then the right friend with the awesome Will roommate. Just a weird chain. Something I want to remember.

I am ready for him to go on his mission. At one of my weaker moments yesterday my mom sent me a very insightful text. It basically said that I did deep down and at the surface want him to go on his mission. That it would be hard. But, that I wanted a man who had served a worthy mission. And this was his chance to become that kind of man.

I am ready for him to leave because I am ready for him to come home. I am ready for the future. I am kinda happy about getting mail. But, more importantly I am happy for him to grow into the man I know the Lord wants him to be. I am ready for my own growth. Both, emotionally and spiritually. I know William will make an amazing missionary. And I know he will do extraordinary things and that his example and words will be both sincere and inspiring.


I am ready to see what the future holds. I know what I want. I know what he wants. And, if my future husband reads this and it's not William, don't be angry. I love this guy. I will always have a spot for William Daybell in my heart. And as much as I am going to date around these next 2 years. And as much as I am going to work on getting myself more like the person I want to be. And as cliche and teenagery as this sounds... the next 2 years (unless he changes his mind), my heart will be in Argentina. And it's not going to be easy to ever steal it away.

We had it right back in elementary school.We laugh and joke at how serious our younger siblings, children or friends are. About how dramatic and "lovesick" they act. But, they get it. They understand what we don't. It's OK to say things like, "I'm going to marry him," "Future Mrs. (insert last name)", "I love him so much, you just don't know," "he is my whole world," etc... How often I find myself thinking the same things a 3rd grader or a 9th grader would about their boyfriend.

I love William Daybell in the simplest of ways. Yet, somehow I love him in the deepest. He is wonderful, he is cute, he is smart, he is funny, he is quiet, he is a soldier, he is sweet and kind, he is a leader, he is a missionary and he is, for the moment, mine.

More to come later. That I can promise. Now, I need to put down the cheez-its and call the kid. I won't be able to in 4 days. UGH. Goodnight.

A Weekend of Pictures.

I don't have much to say about the weekend other than it was incredibly fun and laid-back. I was able to catch up on some reading (nothing pressing), complete my assignments, and have fun with my friends. It was good. We started the weekend out with a double date on Saturday. Me, Chase, Will and Nikole. 

We picked up Jenna after the date and the 5 of us went to see The Chronicles of Narnia movie. It was sadly disappointing.

I just thought it was cute. Too bad it's dark. But it's Will and Chase
having some conversation. ha

Sunday, we went to church, had a couple people over for dinner (Jenna's brother and his friend) and went to ward prayer. After which I went on a scavenger hunt with Anthon to find firewood for his date the next day. (Basically to his sister's to steal some ha) The rest of the night was filled with card games in our lobby. Oh and a reunion (Me, Nikole, Ashley and Jenna) of the old roommates and our tradition of Denny's at 12am Monday. For a VERY early breakfast!

Monday, Me Chase and Nikole went to the mall, had a quick snack, got my dress hemmed and then went to see Harry Potter 7... again. It was still JUST as good as it was the first time, maybe even better. Better than Narnia at least. Anyway, after that we all just kind of hung out... till Nikole got the BEST idea ever. Let me play with her baby sugar gliders. They are and will always be my obsession. Here are the awesome pictures!

The one I held was a boy. He looks really big, but in all honesty his body is no bigger than my hand! Adorable huh? Anyway, yesterday was really fun so expect another blog to be put up shortly. Probably later tonight. :) Ice skating class in like 5 minutes!

A Weekend of Pictures.

Life As We Know It...

I feel as if I need to write something of importance. But, I don't have anything new to report on. Except my exciting weekend. I can go ahead and detail that out for you... If you want?

Thursday: Class. Yay. It's not too bad. It's my most relaxed day, hence the ability to actually type a blog. I had Book of Mormon. It was a REALLY good class. Then ice skating. :) Then ASL and at 5pm me and Chase are going shopping together. :) Yay, for sibling love. Also, I am practicing piano AGAIN with the boys for our Sunday performance. My next blog will have a surprise for all my dedicated readers. Ha

Friday: Early morning class. Then Will and Me are hitting up Sundance to go snowboarding! It's only his second time going. So, we should be on similar talent levels. Ha we are planning on going from 10 or 11- 4:30. After which I'll come home, get ready and at 7pm we have a big group date thing. We want to go ice skating:

Will and Me

Nikole and Gavin

Ben and Ashley

Luke and Mindi

Jenna and (Adam. He has to let us know. If not him she is asking Brandon)

And possibly Ashley and her date.

We're going ice skating. So hopefully, my next blog will have some better stories and pictures.

On Saturday Mariss is coming up for our triple date:

Mariss and Anthon, 

Me and Will and 

Chase and Sarah. 

The plan is as of now, to go sledding from like 11-2ish? Eat lunch/dinner around 3. And make it back up to Provo around 5 to catch the last half of the BYU vs. University of Utah game. They are playing at home. :)

Finally, on Sunday 8:30am church. I'll get there a little early to practice with Anthon and Alex (the two boys singing). We'll do our thing. And then! The rest of the day. I'm not sure about the rest of Sunday though. We'll see. Hopefully, a nap of some sort.

Well, I don't have any pictures to upload. Any new ones. But, I took a funny/sad video of Will doing the cinnamon challenge. For those of you who don't know what it is... basically you take a spoonful of cinnamon put it all in your mouth and you have swallow it ALL. Which actually is really hard... cause it refuses to go 

down smoothly? And it burns your head. And is terrible. :)

College Reflections!

One of my young women's leaders sent me a facebook message the other day with a list of the following questions:


1. What do you wish someone had told you about college?
2. What temptations are the same from high school, what are different temptations than you experienced in high school?
3. what has been disappointing or different from your expectations?
4. what is your favorite part about college?
5. Is living on your own different than what you thought it would be like....better or worse?
6.How often are your beliefs/morals/principles challenged by your friends? And in what ways are they challenged?
7. How has your relationship with the Lord changed...better or struggling a little?


I figured for my blog it can't hurt to keep those answers for my own personal reflection right?! 


1. Being away from home. It sounds like a lot of fun. You get to hang out with you friends whenever and wherever you want to! You get to go to bed when you choose. You get to do your homework whenever you’re feeling it. Heck, you get to eat and spend your money however you choose. One of the hardest things about leaving was leaving my family. It really is so true that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. I miss my family like crazy. The things you can’t stand about them become the things you miss the most. The things you love about them haunt you and make you miss them more. But, it is fun. It is a lot of fun. And, I am thankful I had the opportunity finally learn what it will be like to be on my own. I miss my family, but it has taught me what love truly is. And, what it means to truly miss someone.

2. Ok. Let me put the rumors to rest. ;) BYU has drinking, it has drugs, it has sex, and it has everything any other school has. It is on a smaller scale and it is kept under wraps. But, it is here. It may not be as much of a temptation because the majority of people frown upon it. If you want it, it’s here. However, there is a different kind of temptation. You lose your identity. Ask yourself who you were in high school. I’ll tell you, you were the Mormon. You were the Mormon and people labeled you as such. However, out here… everyone is Mormon. You surround yourself with thousands of people who are guess what… just like you. But, their standards are different. Some will watch R rated movies, some will drink, some will think necking and petting are OK ;) (that was for you) and some will abide by every rule that is under the sun. It’s finding out where you fit in. What your standards are. And when all the Mormons are putting in an R-rated movie do you have the guts to be the one to stand up and say something?

3. Something that I have been disappointed with is myself! I was (pretty much) an all A student. And grades were not hard to maintain. I’m sure all of you know that as well. I’m sure it’s very easy to make good grades and I’m sure hardcore studying is not what you do on your weeknights. But, it is required. I made a 3.28 GPA my first semester. My second C ever. Ever. Like in the history of my grades. I was disappointed but who cares? Everyone makes a C. It’s actually healthy. Classes are hard. You think you’re prepared but that first exam comes around and guess what… you weren’t you gotta study! You have to work to make the grades. I was disappointed that I slacked a little! Something different than my expectations though was again the severity of the schoolwork! I thought oh I can handle it but, it is HARD HARD HARD. Get used to working hard because it doesn’t get any easier.

4. I love the freedom. I love being able to go wherever and whenever I want and NOT HAVING TO CHECK IN! It is such an amazing feeling to be on your own. It’s sad but it’s worth it! Making your own schedule and picking who and what you do is so great. It’s hard to manage your time and not procrastinate. But, getting out of class and going out to eat without calling to ask if it’s ok first is like so liberating! Ha. I also like meeting new people. It is so fun to sit next to people and just talk! Granted not everyone is nice and willing to talk but, it is fun to just be who you want to be! I have the goal to go to the same class every day and sit next to someone different each class. I want to give them a fake name/background story. But, I always try to sit next to someone who looks fun/cute… so I never do. Because I don’t want them looking for a Stephanie Harting on facebook! But, meeting tons of new people is a plus. It’s nice to get out of Charlotte and talk to people who have had far worse, harder, more exciting etc… lives!

5. I kinda covered this in the beginning. Different. And the same. Making food sucks. I miss my mom’s home cooked meals. I miss MY bed. MY room. MY car. MY job. The list goes on and on! But, it is different in that while I knew I’d miss my family, I miss them more than I thought possible. It is different in that it feels good to manage your life. It is different in that I can’t go home. But, it is better because I love my new roommates. I love my new ward. I love being here. I can’t imagine going anywhere else. I love that I belong! College has it’s ups and downs. It’s a roller coaster for sure. But at least the ride is fun right?

6. Ok. They are challenged a lot. Because, there are people who have done far worse and people who have done NO wrong (it would seem). It becomes hard to say where you lie. Because, well everyone judges! Either you’re super inexperienced or you’re bad. It takes a lot of thought to answer some questions. But, once you find the people you trust it’s awesome. However, they are challenged! You will meet (out here) all kinds of people from literally all over. They will say/do things that you would never do. And they will ask you to join. The question becomes do you say anything. Is a NCMO (non-committal make-out) really that bad? Is one R-rated movie so terrible. The list goes on and on. But that is only until you find your place. With your roommates. Or the girls in your class. Well, I have tons of guy friends, but, once you find you niche it gets better. It gets easier. There will always be temptation. Whether it is to cheat on a quiz or homework, watch an inappropriate movie or say/do things that weeks ago you would’ve never done, the temptation is there. Be strong! As Alma says " O thou child of hell, why tempt ye me? Knowest thou that the righteous yieldeth to no such temptations?" :) And you can take that knowledge to any school you go to!

7. Being at BYU has strengthened my relationship ten-fold. It really is the Lord’s university. You walk around campus and everyone has the same religious beliefs as you. Basically. Yes they will differ and yes they are on different levels. But, everyone knows who Nephi, Joseph Smith or Thomas S. Monson is. It’s comforting. But, college has been hard. It is nice knowing that because we have the gospel we have medicine for the hard times! Life isn’t always going to be easy. There is going to be temptation. There are going to be hard things and hard classes and struggles. But the Lord is there and he is always there. I love going to a college where I can take religion classes. They are ridicuoulsly hard. They have been some of my harder classes. But they are well worth it. I have learned more in those classes than I have at any fireside or seminary class. Because BYU is unique in that it offers “institute” as a class and you go more than once a week, your testimony grows. ONLY IF YOU PUT THE EFFORT IN. I love going. I love praying. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior and I know He lives. How truly amazing it is to go to a school that intertwines faith and education. It truly is wonderful to go to a school where prayer is prevalent. I love it here. I love being here. I am where I belong. BYU is amazing! My first semester was hard, yes. And I relied on the Lord and my parents a lot. But, it was not impossible and CLEARLY I made it through. It had the bad but it was also filled with the good!

Look into it! It’s not hard! All the information (deadlines, scholarships and overall information) are there on the website! BYU-I is an amazing school as well! I have met several people who go there now and friends who went/are there. They love it. Any school is good though! Don’t mess around too much or get to upset to leave high school because it only gets better! :)


Hopefully these answers reflect the roller coaster ride of emotions my first semester truly was!!


Picture time! :)

Aly, Melinda (one of my new roommates), Me and Jenna after the basketball game against TCU!

Couple Things I Learned Lately...

In my Study Skills class we talked about BYU and learning to do better academically.

First! The average ACT score for 2010 incoming Freshman was a 28. The Average GPA was a 3.79. Over the past 3 years the number of applicants has increased and the number of accepted applicants has decreased. So, in essence if you don't fall above those scores, you fall below it. (I'm sure other schools have similar statistics but... I'm at BYU so that's why I picked here).

He then showed a picture where it had the BYU logo and the words saying... BYU where you best hasn't been good enough since 1875. We are surrounded by people and teachers always telling us we did good but we could've done better. Or we did bad and there is room for improvement. A student raised his hand and said something I've noticed a lot here is that people have the mindset "if i'm not smart at EVERYTHING, i'm stupid."

We talked a lot about HOW BYU is different from other schools. He asked "how many of you came from somewhere where you were the only or one of few members at your school." Five of us raised our hands. "And what were you known as in school?" "The Mormon." "And now what... now what are you known as?" -Silence- "You've come here and you've lost your identity.

You are now ONE of 30,000 students. Scary huh? I'm sure many of you experienced feelings of fear, identity loss and loneliness. It's normal.

Moving along. There are 3 Tips to do better Academically:

1. The desire (to learn)
2. A belief in yourself
3. Self-Discipline

You have to exercise your brain. Texting takes... LITTLE brain power. Same with video games and TV. To exercise your brain you must read,  communicate, go to class, participate with others, WORK on schoolwork and be active and interactive. It is alright to sit and relax watching TV, playing video games or texting. But, those things should not take up very much of our day. Just as you can make a muscle stronger by exercise you can make it weaker or less sharp by little to no exercise.

He showed us a video about Kim Peek. I had never heard of him. But, I found the video quite remarkable. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhcQG_KItZM

I'm not sure why I thought this was so cool. Rereading it... it's really not. But, I typed it all out so it's staying. That video is my picture for the day. Sorry! I forgot to take one with Matt when we went out to lunch today.

Back to the Beginning... Well Middle.

I titled this blog while sitting on the plane flying to the snowy state of Utah. I thought for a long time about school and about home. I came to the conclusion that it's hard going home. It's even harder coming back to school.

You get complacent. Or at least I did. I got comfortable. I missed my family and I loved them. But, I was USED to not seeing them. And that had gotten... for lack of better phrasing... Ok with me. I knew that I would see them. But, I had stopped dwelling on missing them. On the way I used to live. I had grown accustomed to waking myself up, making my own meals, planning my own schedule and setting my own bedtime.

Life on my own isn't better or worse than life at home. It is just different.

But, going home was a tease. It was perfect. It was fun. It was filled with the people I've been dying to see all semester. I didn't miss too much about school. I missed the people, my family out here and making my own schedule. I didn't mind going back to family life though.

Break was short. It set me back in a sense. I had gotten over the fact that I wasn't going back to live at home. I had finally wrestled the urge to go back to what was easy and familiar. I had pinned it to the mat so to speak.

Not to say I regret going home at all. It was everything I wanted. I needed that break. But, here I am sitting in my dorm at 10:45pm feeling like it's almost 1am. I miss home already. I am happy to be back, but I am ready for the fun to start. Last semester was fun. Only it wasn't exactly what I had had in mind.

I am back to the middle. I miss my family and friends but, I know how to deal with it now. I am ready. I am excited for summer. However, I am also excited for this semester to be what I was hoping for in the last one. Cross your fingers for me.

I'm not back to the beginning or square one... instead i'm starting from the middle. Wish me luck.

P.S I love you. :)

Journal Entry 4

Einstein did not believe in God, but he did believe in what he called “cosmic awe.” Have you ever experienced “cosmic awe”?  When?

Me and Nikole braving the cold for our science review.

Einstein was a brilliant man. But his disbelief in God only shows how even the most intelligent people can be quite ignorant. To blame the creation of the universe and all its many wonders on science and chance is crazy. But, I suppose cosmic awe is just another name for miracles? And are miracles not only further proof of a Heavenly being watching over us from above?

Jenna, Me and Ashley. 

Cosmic awe was described by Einstein as: a devout humility before the harmony in nature. I’m assuming since this is in fact my journal that I am not required to cite my information. So, I got that from a website on the internet.

I have experienced cosmic awe though. Every time I look up at the stars in the sky I am amazed at the beauty that they reflect. I love when I am able to see a shooting star. We have a planetarium on campus that I have visited and it is like the coolest thing ever. You can go up on the roof and look through these telescopes that the astronomy majors have positioned at certain things. When I went I was able to see Jupiter and its rings, a nebula, the moon and of course many stars. It was amazing to think of all the countless galaxies just like ours that exist out there.

It was one of the cooler things I’ve been able to witness in my life. I love nature in general though. I love to take pictures of it. I love the way the sun hits the water, the colors of the leaves as they change, the way the world looks after it’s just rained and the mountains as they go from green with trees to white with snow. I am always in constant awe at just HOW beautiful our world is. Being out here at school and away from what I am used to seeing has opened my eyes to how truly ingenious our Father in Heaven must be. This world is not only beautiful, it’s perfect. It really has something for everyone. And I love it all.

I think about how pretty our world is when I walk across campus. I miss the way North Carolina looks. But, 

Jenna, Me, Ammon
Michael and Ashley
After the CES Fireside on Sunday.

I love the way Utah looks.

Maybe it’s because I love taking pictures. Or maybe it’s because I am in love with sunsets and sunrises. Whatever it is, I love everything that we have on this earth. 

Journal Entry 3

I didn't realize I would be writing about relationships so much this week. I guess I should start like an advice column in the local newspaper or something.

I don't mean to seem obsessed with the subject. I just realized that I had forgotten to post my journal entries for my English class. So, to attempt and write everyday, when I don't have anything to say i'll throw one of my journal entries in!

The two best little brothers in the whole world.
I couldn't put pictures of the boys I refer to later on... I didn't think it was appropriate.
So, I put the next best thing to boyfriends... brothers.

Journal Prompt: "What does it mean to fall in love?  Have you ever fallen in love?"

What is love?

Dictionary.com defines love as:

1. 1.       A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. 2.       A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.

I’m not sure how reliable this is as a source since some of the other definitions were “sexual passion or desire, sexual intercourse and an affair with another person.”

Many popular artists and songs sing about love. In fact you’d be hard pressed to find a song that was written about something other than love. Either about how wonderful love is, how the singer has a broken heart or how much they want/need someone to love. 

I am, however, a big fan of those songs, and singers that sing about love (and teenage angst aka Taylor Swift).  Love sells. Love sells records, dresses, flowers, rings, candy, cakes and all sorts of random assortments. As humans we are addicted to the idea of being in love. I mean we have a whole holiday devoted to love. No one wants to be single and everyone is looking for that someone special to spend the rest of their life with. That’s just how it is.

And as far as I’m concerned… I’m right beside all the other lovesick people in this world. I buy the songs they play on the radio. I have a love song playlist on my iPod. I enjoy going on dates. In fact, I have made a list of qualities I want in my “perfect” guy. Not that I’m looking for anyone anytime soon.

I believe that I have been in love three times. Yes, three times in my young eighteen years. One of those times is the second definition of love however. I love my family. I love them more than I anyone else in this world. I love my mom. She is amazing and one of my best friends. I love my dad. He is the epitome of the perfect guy. Hands down, best dad ever. My brothers? Are the best. End of story. And, you can’t forget my Grandma. I look up to her and care about her more than I think even I know. She is one of the best examples I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. (And of course I love my extended family. That’s just how it works. Well, for me at least.)

The other two times differ as well. The first time was with my first “real” boyfriend. Whatever that means. I fell in love with the kid. He was funny. He was smart. He had an amazing family. And he thought I was the (insert any sappy, romantic, loving phrase here).  I was happy whenever I was around him. We did everything together. We were “going out” for like 6 or 7 months. He never kissed me, and over time that love developed into more of a brotherly love. I began to look at him as a brother or best friend instead of a boyfriend. But, heaven knows I loved the kid. Just differently. Instead of wanting to hold his hand and to cuddle on the couch , I started just wanting to talk, to hang out and go crazy. Don’t get me wrong, the physical is by NO means the most important thing in a relationship. There just wasn’t any there. And so the relationship slowly changed. I was probably stupid for ending it. But, my feelings changed. We were best friends for a long time after that. And I loved that. He taught me what it was like to share everything with someone else. To share secrets, friends, food, fun you name it. I had fun. I miss that sometimes.

The second time was a couple months after the previous relationship. There was something different about this though. It was the same type of love, I think. I enjoyed spending every second I could with this guy. We could talk about anything and we always had a lot of fun. There was however, the element of protection involved. He didn’t have an ideal home life like I had. And, I always felt bad for him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to not worry about that. I loved him in a different way than the boy mentioned above.  I wanted to help him. I especially liked that he went to my school and I was able to flaunt him around school. He was funny, he was loved by my family, he was good to his parents, he was nice, he was outgoing and made friends easy and he was sweet and wanted to make me happy. We had a good, fun-loving relationship. It was at times tumultuous (but always behind the scenes). I always had a good time when he was around. He, for the most part, shared my sense of humor. He let me tease him. And he thought I was amazing. We could talk on the phone for hours and I was happy. There’s no need to go into details. But, we ended up breaking up. It was a rough ending to what was (for the most part) a really good relationship. Things ended. We weren’t really on speaking terms. I was done with it. That was until the first weeks of January. I had dated a couple other guys in the months that passed. When suddenly I realized I did still care about him. I wanted him to be mine again. Turns out he missed me as well. We dated again for an additional like 5 or 6 months. (So, the first time was around 8 months, we were off for 6 or 7 months. And then the final 5 or 6 months. A big portion of my life ha).

I am missing in both examples quite a few components that I wanted to share but, because I didn't plan out my journal entry they didn't fit in as well as i'd hoped. Oh well. There was more to both relationships. I just dunno how to put them in.

Now, inexperienced an immature as I’m sure I am to some people, that is the extent of my “love life.” There were a couple other boys I dated/liked thrown in that mix. But, nothing like those two boys. Love is complicated and simple. Love is overrated and underrated at the same time. Something I’ve learned though is love is worth it. Make it count. Make it something special.

English Journal #2

This week's prompt is:  (And while I should've done this Sunday... I'm finally doing it now!) 

          

          "  People used to believe that comets were “portents”—warnings from God that let them know their standing with Him.  When the law of gravity was discovered, however, they found that comets traveled in predictable orbits dictated by the law of gravity and they stopped believing that God sent them as warning.  Before the discovery of the law of gravity there were (essentially) no (Western) atheists.  But afterwards, atheism was a significant theological movement.  Is there an inherent contradiction between science and religion?  Can you believe in God and gravity at the same time?"

I think that there is an inherent contradiction between science and religion simply because as long as there is religion and God there will always be someone working to prove it wrong. Before they may not have been working to strictly disprove the idea of God but in succeeding to prove that there IS in fact a scientific explanation they discover a way to remove God. 

I believe that in anything and everything there is reason to trust that there is a God. Especially when it comes to science! There is no other explanation for the way that things work so perfectly like they do. Gravity is just one of many scientific principles that work all to well to just be chance. 

The Principle of Gravity

I'd go and explain just what all that picture means, but i'm in physical science this semester and am NOT feelin' it. That class is the DEATH of me. I am not a big fan of science so, the explanation of God works just fine for me. I am not one to seek out answers when it comes to the earth and gravity and all that scientific nonsense! Well, not nonsense, I do believe in some of what they say as well. But, I think that there will forever be a permanent contradiction between any science and God. The big bang theory is another example of science vs. God. 

The idea that the world was created by a huge explosion of dust and other space particles just doesn't add up to me. How someone can believe that is incredible! I think that scientists are afraid of religion for the most part, afraid of conforming and finding out that so much of what they DO believe is wrong. Especially since I just took a trip to our planetarium and looked up at the sky and the stars, everything is too perfect to just be chance.

The "Eye of God"  I thought it looked cool.

Short Blurb

My weekend was really fun. :) Friday night I went on a date with Tyler. We had dinner at his dorm (THAT HE (and his cousin) FIXED!! ) The 3 of us had dinner (Me, Tyler and Thomas (the cousin), his date called in sick a little bit before dinner :( which was a bummer cause he's really cute and very nice.) But, we ate and then Tyler and I went to the Planetarium and got to look through all the telescopes and up in the dome/observatory deck it was SO cool!! We went back to his house and watched a movie and then came back to my apartment and played ping pong with my roommate Jenna and two guys from my ward, Jacob and Jordan. After he left I went outside with Jenna and we hung out talking till like 2:30 am with some girls from our ward and Lewis (my new bff), Mitchell, Dustin, Paul (My home teacher) and a couple other guys. It was really fun.

Saturday I got up and got ready. And worked on A LOT of schoolwork. Me, Ashley and Jenna went over to Lewis' dorm and had popcorn with him and a couple of his roommates. Afterwards we 3 went over to Tyler's to watch the second half of the BYU game. :) It was fun. Except for we lost. Tyler and I made pancakes for all of us for lunch and we met up and talked to Chase and Ben Shamanis. Afterwards we went back to our dorm and the 3 of us (Jenna, Ashley and I) Made Jenna's brother a cake for his birthday! We met up with her brother, cousin and 2 girls that go here, Tyler and then went to see that new thriller Devil. It was alright. I spent most of the moving WAITING for it to get scary. But it was pretty jumpy. Then we all came home and just talked. Tyler and I got on google and google earthed our houses and neighborhoods and then facebook stalked some of the significant people in our life! After he left around 1 something we went back outside to talk to Lewis and the boys again. But I had to finish my lesson for sunday school.

Anyways..  :) This is supposed to be a short blurb and this week i have been extremely overloaded with homework! :( Which is NOT fun at all. Anyways, I started my tutoring at this local elementary school called Spring Creek Elementary. Its about a 10 min drive away from BYU. And I love the reason to use the car. :) I really enjoy driving stick! It's weird. My class is a second grade class! TOO CUTE.

But I go every Monday and Wednesday to help tutor math. Today I actually stayed for recess with the kids and played with them. They are all so cute! Monday I got to a table and was helping them with math.
Me: Ok, then any questions?
Lanie: Yes. Where were you born?
Me: North Carolina. It's on the WHOLE other side of the country.
Lanie: Oh. You're by China.
Me: No. Its still in the United States just far away.
Bekah: I know where you are! By England!
Me: No.. I'm.. Have any of you been to Florida? I'm by Florida.
Bekah: YES! Did you have to swim to get here?
(All the kids laugh)
Me: No.. We flew. In a plane. But any questions about math?
Lanie: Yes. Do you shop at the mall?
Me: Yes. (Is there anywhere else to shop?)
Lanie: I thought so. Your clothes look really expensive.
Me: Thanks! :) Now, anyone need help adding?
It made me miss Bella and Sebastian and their crazy/witty little sayings!! :) And subsequently, Fiona and her pirate face, Mia and the way she says my name.. (And Greta who doesn't even know me)...followed by Jessie, Molly, Timm and Sam. It was a tender moment. :)

To break up all the text some random pictures. All of the US Flag. Haha

Today I was grading papers... I got to a problem on Cesar's paper where the question was. "Pick a number from the box. Add 1 to it. Tell how you solved the problem." It looked like this.

7 8 3 5 6 1 (Random numbers in a box)       _+1=_ His answer 5+1=6. "I soled it bie thinking.Followed by his explanation: " Clever Cesar. Clever. I had to laugh a little and show the teacher. It was really cute. I also thought a lot about when I was that little. And watched as all of them played. I tried to be nice and talk to the boy with no one to play with but he denied me and wanted to draw instead. I guess i'm not as cool as I thought.

The best thing about playing at recess with a bunch of 7 year olds is that they think you're the best at everything. I played one-on-one basketball with a little boy named Tyler, I even got to show him how to shoot. Then bunches of kids came and I just rebounded for them. Then I went to play soccer with Miguel, Alejandro, and 2 boys from another class. Im pretty sure they were better than I am, but it was still a confidence booster to hear the other team groan when I joined the other kids team.. ;) However, I ended up playing with Irvin a little mexican boy. We kicked a ball around and talked about his new Halo legos. Its really nice to be liked by everyone. Even if they're seven. I miss those days. :) Anyways here's another picture of the school and then I have homework to attend to. I'll post again later this week promise. :) Till then!

Journal For English #1

For part of my English grade I am to keep a journal. However, I have to write in response to the prompts she gives us. My first one is "1.      Think about a big project or assignment you're going to have to do this semester (for any of your classes).  Write for twenty minutes about possible ways to divide the assignment into smaller bits that can be done a little at a time."

The worst project I will have to do this semester are my simple quizzes for anthropology. Because my professor has a sick sense of humor, the simple quizzes are ANYTHING but simple. The simple quiz MUST be a "perfectly structured essay, admirable in every detail, on the following theme..." (Fill in the blank with a prompt that is a paragraph in length and asks us to "draw extensively on the book for examples." It also must be "2332 words of truth and beauty." Now, this wouldn't be such a daunting task if it was just ONE of these, but no, I have THREE to do this semester. The final exam will also be a lengthy paper! So much writing for just one class! And on top of it we have so much additional work! It's insane! High school in NO way prepares you for this type of learning and expectation! 

I will divide these assignments into smaller bits by doing just that. I will try to take time to do some work for the upcoming simple quiz each week. Whether it is the assigned reading for the essay, understanding the prompt in its entirety, re-reading the chapters looking for examples, writing the essay and actually attending the lectures. This, however, is not an easy task for me. Simply because I AM A PROCRASTINATOR. It's hard to find a student who isn't these days. Also I am used to a school where the teachers tell you EXACTLY  what they are looking for and WHEN it is due! All this uncertainty of when things are due and what exactly is assigned is extremely overwhelming and makes me extremely nervous!

1. Reading for the essay. I am attempting to keep up with my reading (not just for this class but for all). The key word is attempting. I have a minimum of 2 books for each class that I am taking. It's crazy. And unreal. Like I said overwhelming. I often lose track of where I am in what book, and what I am supposed to be looking for. But, I do enjoy reading and am trying to make the best of this assignment. 

2. Understanding the prompt. We are discussing the prompt in my anthropology labs. It is a lot easier to focus in that class as it is so small and the teacher seems to want to help. It is taught by a student, one who has taken his class before and that too is nice. It seems like a good resource and I WILL be taking advantage of it.

3. Re-reading the chapters will take some time. But, I do have a general idea as to where some of the examples are. Plus the TA is taking quotes from each of us and making a website, a sort of database, full of quotes we can use in our paper.

4. Writing the essay and attending the lectures are easier said than done. Well, writing at least. But, I do need to get a head start on that paper. As it hangs over my head. Its quite frightening actually, this whole college classwork thing. I'll be lucky to graduate alive. :)

The First Week.. A Recap

So, a little late but, I've accepted that I won't be getting the pictures from Nichelle in the next couple of days so i'm publishing it anyways! :)

I've decided to write this part in timeline form to include as many details as I can remember. As a new college student its only normal that i'm scatterbrained and a little out of whack! ALSO, since my mom WAS there for most of the week i'll try to focus on the social aspect (or the part she wasn't there for ;) )

                Each building has a theme. Mine (Harris Hall) is "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"

There are two "Y's" in the picture. 1. On the mountain. 2. On the girl's sweater.

Wed 25th: Check-in day!! :) With more help than I deserve we set up my room. I was joined by my WONDERFUL mother and AMAZING Aunt Brenda and Cousin Marissa! The theme was aqua and lime green, two of my most favorite colors!! We made the trek down to my room (its in the dungeon) and began some hard work! There of course in the teeny dorm rooms isn't much room to work with but mine turned out by far the cutest on campus if I don't say so myself.

Now, try to imagine it on its first day. (So, take out the laptop, cluttered desk, piles of textbooks, and straightner.) I forgot to get a picture of it in it's PRIME so, this will have to do :) Everything matches quite nicely huh?! The cute "S" compliments of Susan will be hung up when I get the hook. The picture frames were a project me and my mom took on and match perfectly! There is a book in the top left, the scrapbook my mom made for me. And the cute owl creatures (top right shelf) compliments of Jessie keep me company when I am missing home or just alone working on... schoolwork. :)

Let's see Wednesday, I really just met my ward. We have two or three cute boys and one REALLY cute guy. I was informed by my friends that there was a boy from another ward who came by and questioned them about me. His name was Scott, he plays lacrosse, quite cute and he was "going to come back later to meet me." I then went to the New Student Orientation (NSO) bar-b-que. It was terrible. We waited in the blazing sun for 2 hours. Only to be rewarded with what? NO MORE WATER BOTTLES. How is one supposed to eat without water? Not to mention I was in a group with no one I knew. 4 Unattractive nerdy boys, 1 really rude boy, 17 girls (2 of whom I met and hung out with). Anything wrong with that picture? 17 girls to 5 boys? That evening me and my ROOMmate Nikole went to a waterfall with 3 other really nice guys. As I was walking to the car a boy walked up to the front seat, taking the hint I began heading towards backseat only to realize he was opening the front door for me!! We climbed the FREEZING cold waterfall barefoot. YES, climbed. I was pretty sure I was developing a severe case of hypothermia in my feet by the end of it. But, I love those kinds of activities so all was well. :)

Its off a phone so any larger and the quality is BAD!!
Me in front of my dorm room. My balloon is the green one on the right!

Thursday 26th: New Student Orientation. A.k.a the same group as last night minus the rude boy and a few girls. Our sad little group was becoming smaller by the second. :) Haha We had a cool "convocation" where we learned the history of BYU. I met up with Kara and Amber the two girls from the night before. Then there's Ren, a boy who joined our group! He was really nice, cute but young looking and quite shy. However, he was immediately welcomed into our threesome to complete the 4 normal students in a sea of strange BUT really nice freshman. We also got the worst tour of BYU ever. Basically a 2 hour walk in my brand new (and unforgiving) Sperry's, while the guides pointed at buildings in the distance. I had dinner with my mom and Chase. (It was during that time, my roommates told me, that Lacrosse Scott had come looking for me.) We had a fun time laughing and talking, something I will truly miss (talking with my mom.) That evening I was invited to Wyview apartments with my roommate Ashley and her friends Kassie and Scott (a different one, but also quite cute.) Five minutes into the "hang out" I realized I was in the wrong place. These kids cringed at the name Will Ferrell, disliked the movie Talladega Nights, had  (not there is ANYTHING wrong with this) hour long scripture reading parties each night and found humor ONLY in Disney and PG rated films. Me and my new friend Scott discussed how we were terribly out of place.

Friday 27th: Me and my roommates skipped orientation. (Since only 2 of the 6 of us were going anyways it wasn't that big of a rebellion). That day my roommate Jenna called me and aksed me to come outside. I did and finally met Scott (as he was practicing lacrosse, he's on the team). That evening I went to the dollar theatre with my roommate Ashley our new friend Kassie and the weird people from the previous night. We saw "How to Train Your Dragon." It was really only worth the $1.50 I paid for it. Not to mention there were more children than adults in this college movie theatre, Welcome to BYU. Scott (the Lacrosse one) called me prior to the movie and asked me on a date that night. However, while I was at dinner with my roomy Ashley and we were leaving the Cougareat (food court) a boy came and dropped a piece of paper at my feet. Ashley began to laugh and I was thinking "HOW RUDE! This poor boy just dropped something and she is laughing? That is terrible." After taking a few steps he called out "Hey YOU dropped this?" Startled I turned around, on the verge of saying "Sorry. But NO that is NOT mine." Instead I took his paper and said "Thank you." Quickly walking off. I unfolded it and turned to Ashley showing her the paper and said "OH. MY. GOSH. It's his number." She burst into laughter and admitted that is why she was laughing so hard when he dropped it. Smooth move, boy with the paper. I never called, because well I couldn't remember if he was cute or not, and my cousin said that was a BAD sign. :) ONTO THE DATE! He picked me up at my dorm front door and we walked towards the parking lot. He asked what time I would like to be home, I picked 12:30 a good solid not too late/not to early time. He informed me he had a car. I was so excited when I saw the black sports car convertible thing.. (I later learned it was a Mazda Miata). We went to Ihop for breakfast for dinner and got to know each other. A little awkard as most first dates are, but conversation did flow quite well. So not too many awkward pauses. Later he took me to a parking lot and I (just learning to drive stick shift) practiced on this SUPER NICE car!! He was thoroughly impressed (Props to Jailynn and Chantelle Zenger who informed me boys found girls driving stick shifts incredibly attractive. Good to know I have a leg up on the competition.) Afterwards he asked me to close my eyes and drove me up to the entrance where you hike the "Y" and we sat on his car and looked out at Utah! It was super pretty! (He pointed out temples and lakes and other landmarks!) Finally, after giving me several options to choose from, we went back to his dorm and met his roommates and friends. After we talked for a half hour (it was getting pretty late 12:20ish) he walked me home commenting on the fact (I had forgotten) that we had made pretty good time (it was almost 12:30) hugged me and said goodnight.

The "Y" , again taken off a phone so BAD quality.

Saturday 28th: I got a tour of BYU and where my classes were by Lacrosse Scott. He then came with me to meet my Mom, Chase, Aunt Brenda and Marissa. (They had come by to drop off somethings and to go out to lunch.) The 5 of us went out to lunch at a yummy little mexican restaurant followed by grocery shopping for our apartments. Once we got home, the moment came when it was time to say goodbye to my mom for the next 4 months. She left me some advice, a long hug, a scrapbook of my 18 years of life and more good memories than a person deserves. As she drove away, it finally dawned on me how much I appreciate and took my parents for granted. They are the best (hands down) parents anyone could ever ask for, and as I walked inside I wondered how I was so lucky as to be blessed with such wonderful examples and influences in my life. I began to get ready for the dance that night, kinda dreading it actually. But, I went and was sent home because my shorts, were too short. I walked home and debated going out with Nikole and her friends, or changing into my jeans and going back to the dance. After much discussion I changed and left for the dance with Ashley and Kassie. It was alright. EFY in a nutshell though. I danced with one really cute boy before we went inside the Wilk to check out the bouncehouses (what are we five?), board game room, karaoke, comedy show and food table. It turned out to be a pretty fun night of comedy and dancing. Followed by hanging out with a sweaty (he had just finished his last lacrosse game) Scott and his roommates. We hung out into the morning before heading to bed as their church was at 8:30 (mine is at 11 so not too bad.) Again, he walked me home and said goodnight.

Sunday 29th: Church was good. Really interesting and quite spiritual being in a ward of all young adults. Our Sacrament was so SUPER quiet, nothing quite like the rowdy Sacrament full of crying babies like i'm used to! The sunday school we went to was taught by two boys (All the girls attended this one, as they were the only boys teaching a lesson that sunday). Following church I went to a good friend from back home's apartment off campus (Nichelle Shaw who recently moved up here.) We (including Chase) had a good meal of mini pizzas, broccoli, and string peas (Oh the starving life of a college kid ;) ). We spent the majority of the time talking, laughing and reminiscing about the good ole' days. Haha. We met one of her CRAZY roommates and had a good time until it was time for me to leave! At 7pm I had a "hymn-singing" fireside (basically one person goes up says a hymn why they like it, pick a verse and we sing that verse). It sounded really lame and corny to me but.. it turned out to be incredibly spiritual and moving. Our ward has some amazing stories, people and voices. After the fireside I talked and hung out with (the cutest kid in the whole ward ahhh!) Terrell. He is beyond cute. He and his roommate were quite funny and drove me and Ashley home, and like all the other nice young men i'm surrounded by, walked us to our door and said goodnight! The rest of the night Nikole, Ashley, Holly and I, ate popcorn and talked. It too was a lot of fun. I am extremely happy and having a blast! I miss my family TONS, but there is always Skype, Texting and of course phone calls. :) I am SO fortunate to be able to attend BYU!! And am so excited for a FUN year!!

Coming up Next... Roommate Profiles!! :)