Another Sunday :)

I got to skype with Ana. Which was much needed.

This is kinda recap. As well as a combination of pictures. Combined with a couple thoughts. So, take a trip down my lane. :)

As I sit here and listen to basically my all time favorite band Holiday Parade, I just am thinking. Actually I read my friends blog. His name is Damon. I met him out at BYU. He was attending UVU and then transferred to BYU-I for spring. His most recent post was titled "Time Travels." To be read as a sentence. He made some interesting points and here are a few:

• "Time is fun to think about. Time is one of those completely finite things in this life and it's always fleeting and doing exactly the opposite of what we want. If we want time to hurry up, it slowly ticks. If we want to stop time, we might as well just close our eyes and be in the future right away. We all have the same 24 hours to use daily, but it seems like everyone's time goes at a different speed."
• "Also, time is so real and constantly burning. Somehow, it's completely imaginary. Without the invention of calendars and clocks, time would only be evident in aging. Time could be sped up and slowed down as we please, but the world probably wouldn't let us."
• "I can use this time in different ways. I can either let this time psych me up or psych me out."

I know you didn't come to my blog to read his... but, he writes the things I think. He finds words for the things I try to. It's kinda weird. I love reading his blog. It is called Deep Thoughts and Cheap Shots... and he writes each blog and finishes with a deep thought and a cheap shot. It's serious mixed with funny. You go Damon. :)

Anyway, weird how time moves isn't it? One minute you are 13 years old in Middle School, time is irrelevant and you spend your days thinking about how you can't bear to have your best friends go to different high schools. "Oh the travesty!" And in a blink you're almost 20. Finished a year of college and trying to figure out your place in this world. 

Time is an interesting concept. It moves so slow in the moment. I often find this concept at work. I will check the clock... 2:15pm, serve some customers/save some lives look again 2:27pm. And I'll think to myself "I can NOT wait till this pool/ice cream place is closed." 9-10pm rolls around and I'm confused as to where my shift went. I do enjoy working. I love it. I love having something to do. I love having good friends to work with. I went out with a couple from the pool on Saturday. They are younger than me but, hey it's an invite to somewhere other than my playroom couch. 

"She Came Around" by Holiday Parade is on repeat at the moment. Gosh, this band is so good. I love songs about love. But, it seems that the majority of AMAZING love songs are written by men. Come on ladies, step it up. 

I'm old. Not like OLD old. But, old for me. Time can slow down. But, could it really speed up? I have so many questions. And a glimpse into my future would be much appreciated. But, I guess a future is built upon the things in the present. 

I just don't know what I need to be when I grow up. I say need to be. Because what I want to be... is being paid for being me. Like Oprah or Bill Gates. But, even they were something before they were taking showers in cash. And money really isn't important to me. I don't have to be wealthy, really. I just have to be stable. I have to have enough to make ends meet. And then enough to help others and buy something nice for me, my husband or my kids from time to time. 

Life is crazy. But, it's only a blip compared to everything else. I wish I could talk in depth with some of my good friends. But, religion is too big a part of my life. And it clashes. I want to talk about what I believe. Scream it on the rooftops sometimes. I want others to know. I want you to come to me with questions, not to the internet. 

Time is wild. Time is crazy. Time is unstoppable. Yet we live, breathe and move in time. We do what we need to do based on what a clock says. We show up, leave and do because of time. Time is always ticking. And that's scary to me. Because sometimes I want to just sit in Limbo. And take it all in. Take time to register. Anyway, that's all for now. I have 2 other blogs to publish tonight. 

Just Wanted to Post

I haven't blogged much. I don't have much to say. I have 2 posts I am working on. Hopefully those will be out soon. I don't do much. I work a lot. This week has been hard. I need Jenna, Ana and Nikole. I have talked to each of them on the phone this week. And I miss them. I wish I could post more where friends are concerned. But, not today. I'm not emotionally ready for all of that.

A new post soon. I promise.

Change.

I changed the color for my blog. And the font. I have a lot to think about. And a lot to mull over. I talked to Sandie Lanier's niece about being an "army wife." It was eye opening. And I need some time to process and really think. But, I have awhile so no decisions need to be made. I have a new outlook that I am just preparing for the future... but, it's by no means planned out. I kinda have the attitude of "I'll go where you want me to go." For now. Which has always been my attitude. But, now with a lot less complaining.

Anyway. Purple is kinda my color. And I figured the blog needed to be renovated a little. :)

In the words of Smash Mouth " Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas...I need to get myself away from this place! I said yep what a concept,I could use a little fuel myself...And we could all use a little CHANGE."

Hmmm.

It's been almost a month since I posted, yet it feels like it's been longer.

I miss Will a lot. And a lot of times it's almost like a punch in my stomach. It's not just like a normal missing... it's very physical too. Like I actually feel me missing him.

Sometimes, I wish I had met him after his mission. But, then I realize I know that isn't true because I wouldn't trade ANYTHING for the 5 months we had out at BYU and then the couple of weeks we had this summer.

Sometimes I wish I could just go out and date everyone and not know that I would be comparing them to William. That I could be carefree. But, then I realize that I only want to date Will. That comparing them to him makes me more sure in my choice. That I, again, wouldn't trade him for all the Ashton Kutchers and Zac Efron's in the world.

People ask if I'm waiting on him... or if I'm going to date around. Why does it have to be one or the other?

I will date around. I doubt that I will have any serious boyfriends. But, who knows. For the moment and deep down I know I want to marry William Henderson Daybell. So keep your fingers crossed cause he's a catch.

I said it.

I am not waiting. But, I think he is the one.

That's what is so especially hard and painful about all of this... But he said to me once: "If we are meant to end up together, then these next two years are nothing but a speed bump compared to eternity." Gosh... world's longest speed bump.

I miss him.

Anxiety...And a Catharsis of Sorts.

I am ready for Will to leave. Not because I want him to be gone and not because I'm tired of him. But, I am tired of anticipating the day when my days of "normalcy" will ultimately come to a screeching halt. I can't really focus on much else other than... I can't even TALK to him come Sunday. He gets set apart the 12th and reports to the MTC on the 15th. What?

Just yesterday it was January. And Jenna and I were at some silly stake dance. There we spotted Luke and his roommates. Really knowing very few other people from our new ward we went up and introduced ourselves to the four (we already knew Luke) of them. I thought Will seemed nice. Quiet and very soldiery (which is weird cause I later found out he was in ROTC... it was just the way he carried himself?), but nice.

Today, we've been dating for a little more or less than 5 months. Weird that we don't exactly have an anniversary? It was more of like a series of days than just ONE day. That's OK. It makes us different.

I am going to write down the weird chain in which I know Will, so that one day later on I will realize how blessed I was to have some of the experiences I had both semesters. And to realize how much the Lord's hand really is in our lives. Even if it's only to look back with fond memories of my freshman year (I hope it is more than that... ) I want to be able to remember just how intricate us meeting was.

I'll start at the beginning. Room selection day:

1. If only I had listened to my Aunt Brenda and roomed in her old hall (Whitney) I would've met Will first semester. But, I didn't. I for some reason decided on Harris... mainly because it was SUPER close to campus.
2. I added Nikole Clayton on facebook as a friend. And as the day closed and I had 4 other roommates I quickly logged on and tried to stalk them on facebook as well. 
3. I kept getting a room swap request from some girl in Gates Hall. I never took it because, well I had "met" Nikole and really liked her and she didn't know who the girl was... so, I never took it. 
4. Thus, I ended up in 60 Harris Hall. 

Move-in Day:

1. Basically the most important piece to the puzzle here is that I met Nikole and Jenna. 
2. Also, a big piece is that Jenna was my roommate. And that she was from Indiana. And that she had very few youth in her ward and spent a lot of time 4 hours south... in her cousins ward... which also happened to be Luke's ward. 

Over the course of Fall semester Nikole, Ashley, Jenna and I bonded. However, we had a little bit of a clash with our other 2 roommates and eventually decided that it would be best (for all 6 of us), if we moved out. Ashley had found a spot in Fox Hall, Nikole was moving back home and me and Jenna were on the hunt. Ideally we wanted to stay together.

Room swapping:

1. I tried everywhere. Girls just weren't wanting to switch! Many had just never changed their swap preference from room selection day. Basically... a bunch of dead ends. 
2. I talked to a lot of girls who knew people who were moving. I tried with them, but really I just kept getting shut down! 
3. Finally, I logged on in a desperate attempt clicked on a bed in 232 Whitney Hall that happened to be orange. (Looking to swap). I came back later that day to find that she had accepted. I Travis, Josh and Jourden who were in that ward and immediately texted Travis to find out who the girl was and was her roommate trying to swap as well. 
4. As fate would have it these two girls wanted out as well. So, after much talking and asking (some other girl had taken Jenna's spot in the room before she could... so I sent an email to her) me and Jenna were BOTH settled in Whitney Hall. 

Jenna and Luke:

1. Luckily Jenna knew Luke from back home... So, once we found Luke at the dance we started hanging out with them more often. 
2. We even scoured both of our phones for 3 "cute, single girls" to come hang out with us so that there wouldn't be a 5-2 boy to girl ratio one night. 
3. One night when I was looking for something to do... I invited myself over  to their apartment and me and Will, Ben, Luke and Skyler went to Panda. We basically swapped awkward date stories, funny first semester stories, what girls/boys like on a first date and how to tell if someone is interested. That night Will asked me out on a date. He says I wasn't dropping any hints that I wanted him to and therefore was clearly being bold. But, he obviously wasn't picking up any of the hints I dropped to say the very least. :)

Just weird how it all works out huh? Basically the wrong hall but the right roommate. And then the right roommate with the right friend. And then the right friend with the awesome Will roommate. Just a weird chain. Something I want to remember.

I am ready for him to go on his mission. At one of my weaker moments yesterday my mom sent me a very insightful text. It basically said that I did deep down and at the surface want him to go on his mission. That it would be hard. But, that I wanted a man who had served a worthy mission. And this was his chance to become that kind of man.

I am ready for him to leave because I am ready for him to come home. I am ready for the future. I am kinda happy about getting mail. But, more importantly I am happy for him to grow into the man I know the Lord wants him to be. I am ready for my own growth. Both, emotionally and spiritually. I know William will make an amazing missionary. And I know he will do extraordinary things and that his example and words will be both sincere and inspiring.


I am ready to see what the future holds. I know what I want. I know what he wants. And, if my future husband reads this and it's not William, don't be angry. I love this guy. I will always have a spot for William Daybell in my heart. And as much as I am going to date around these next 2 years. And as much as I am going to work on getting myself more like the person I want to be. And as cliche and teenagery as this sounds... the next 2 years (unless he changes his mind), my heart will be in Argentina. And it's not going to be easy to ever steal it away.

We had it right back in elementary school.We laugh and joke at how serious our younger siblings, children or friends are. About how dramatic and "lovesick" they act. But, they get it. They understand what we don't. It's OK to say things like, "I'm going to marry him," "Future Mrs. (insert last name)", "I love him so much, you just don't know," "he is my whole world," etc... How often I find myself thinking the same things a 3rd grader or a 9th grader would about their boyfriend.

I love William Daybell in the simplest of ways. Yet, somehow I love him in the deepest. He is wonderful, he is cute, he is smart, he is funny, he is quiet, he is a soldier, he is sweet and kind, he is a leader, he is a missionary and he is, for the moment, mine.

More to come later. That I can promise. Now, I need to put down the cheez-its and call the kid. I won't be able to in 4 days. UGH. Goodnight.

The Weekend Recap.

Video games.. Obviously fast friends.

 So... Blogger is being whack! And not letting me start up at the top?! This is going to be mostly pictures... and the next blog will be mostly words. So this is just a slideshow. And Blogger messed up my perfect sequencing and scrambled the order... so, in no particular order... Here is the weekend!

This series is actually Tuesday morning. The day that he left. :(

I got a text from my mom reminding me to take pictures... So, I gave Blake the camera and here's what came of it!

 Blake and Hayden really liked Will. And they got along really well. Blake and Will are texting buddies. And actually Blake called him just to talk yesterday. haha

This is a picture of Blake... He climbed into Will's front seat in an attempt to strand Will at our house.

 It didn't work. :/

These are pictures from Monday! The fam. went boating. Which is always a blast! :)

Me and Will. He's on the left.

Me and Will.

Our epic high five.

Ha. So talented. Knee boarding and carrying a conversation. Somebody call ESPN. I'm a star. ;)

This is actually on the way TO the Lake?

Blake and Hayden. Studs... I know.

Hayden and Blake.

 

Blake and Hayden.

This is Friday night... I got off work at 8. Will had gone to Blakes Graduation with my Parents. So, Will, Mom, Dad and I went to see the 4th Pirates movie. It was OK. Definitely not anything to write home about..

 These next pictures are from Monday... We went to the beach! It was a lot of fun. I really do love this kid.

His first experience with Bojangles!

He forgot his sunglasses in NC, so we bought him another pair!

This was like his third time to the beach... to swim. So, I had to get a picture to document!

 After a day of playing in the water/laying out (Will got a nice burn), we met up with Heather for dinner. But, not before we visited downtown Charleston so Will could see the really nice houses, the market and of course Rainbow Row.

 And now were back to the Lake? So, here are more from Monday!

My wonderful Father.

Hayden,  Me and Will.

Like I said... not too wordy just an AMAZING weekend. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. The post above this one will have more to say. Promise.

Gone.

Will just left. He's gone. For two years. This isn't the much anticipated blog post, that is for later. When I can finally get the pictures off my Dad's camera. I love him. He will do amazing. This whole Missionary thing is very bittersweet. Time is going on around me... but I feel stationary. It's weird. I don't like it. That... and the tears I've been choking back the past 2 weeks came into full effect last night. And again, I am choking them back today. And did my best as we said goodbye. But, he's gone. See him in 2 years. More to come later. After I get out of this funk I've managed to sink into.  Till then...