Short Update

I'm feeling much better tonight. Ignore the last post.

But such is life huh?

Another One of These Posts

I am not having as much fun as I had anticipated for my first year at BYU. I do not get along with two of my roommates. I do not have as many friends as I wanted. I do not enjoy being here all the time. I do not have enough time for everything. I am not getting enough sleep because I have so much reading for school and work for school and want to sometimes go out and have fun. I want things to get better but, I’m not sure that they will. I have been thinking about swapping rooms. But, what will that change. Maybe BYU wasn’t the place for me. Maybe another college would’ve suited me better. I’m not really sure. I am down a lot of the time. I want things to change. I just don’t know. Really and truly, I want what I don’t have. However, I do have the gospel. I do have family and friends. I am at a college where I am making (for the most part) really good grades. I do have two roommates I get along with pretty much all of the time and one roommate I get along with most of the time. I imagined things different but, things aren’t always what you imagined them to be like. That’s been the hardest part so far. That and this roller coaster of emotions that college has brought. I feel like I am at home in my little dorm room. But, it’s not always a happy home. It’s not always where I want to be. I’m complaining again. I have something many people don’t. I have the gospel. It's Sunday. That must be why I am bringing the Gospel up so much. Shouldn’t it make me happy? I’m sure I’m not utilizing it to the best of its ability. Maybe I’m addressing the wrong issues in my life.There is more I can be doing today that will make for a better tomorrow. Times have been worse for people. My experience can get better. It will get better. It won’t always be like this. Things can change. That’s the beauty of life I guess. Things are only bad for a moment in time. Others have it worse than I do. I want to be happy. I want to have more fun. I want, I want, I want. 

Journal Entry 4

Einstein did not believe in God, but he did believe in what he called “cosmic awe.” Have you ever experienced “cosmic awe”?  When?

Me and Nikole braving the cold for our science review.

Einstein was a brilliant man. But his disbelief in God only shows how even the most intelligent people can be quite ignorant. To blame the creation of the universe and all its many wonders on science and chance is crazy. But, I suppose cosmic awe is just another name for miracles? And are miracles not only further proof of a Heavenly being watching over us from above?

Jenna, Me and Ashley. 

Cosmic awe was described by Einstein as: a devout humility before the harmony in nature. I’m assuming since this is in fact my journal that I am not required to cite my information. So, I got that from a website on the internet.

I have experienced cosmic awe though. Every time I look up at the stars in the sky I am amazed at the beauty that they reflect. I love when I am able to see a shooting star. We have a planetarium on campus that I have visited and it is like the coolest thing ever. You can go up on the roof and look through these telescopes that the astronomy majors have positioned at certain things. When I went I was able to see Jupiter and its rings, a nebula, the moon and of course many stars. It was amazing to think of all the countless galaxies just like ours that exist out there.

It was one of the cooler things I’ve been able to witness in my life. I love nature in general though. I love to take pictures of it. I love the way the sun hits the water, the colors of the leaves as they change, the way the world looks after it’s just rained and the mountains as they go from green with trees to white with snow. I am always in constant awe at just HOW beautiful our world is. Being out here at school and away from what I am used to seeing has opened my eyes to how truly ingenious our Father in Heaven must be. This world is not only beautiful, it’s perfect. It really has something for everyone. And I love it all.

I think about how pretty our world is when I walk across campus. I miss the way North Carolina looks. But, 

Jenna, Me, Ammon
Michael and Ashley
After the CES Fireside on Sunday.

I love the way Utah looks.

Maybe it’s because I love taking pictures. Or maybe it’s because I am in love with sunsets and sunrises. Whatever it is, I love everything that we have on this earth. 

Journal Entry 3

I didn't realize I would be writing about relationships so much this week. I guess I should start like an advice column in the local newspaper or something.

I don't mean to seem obsessed with the subject. I just realized that I had forgotten to post my journal entries for my English class. So, to attempt and write everyday, when I don't have anything to say i'll throw one of my journal entries in!

The two best little brothers in the whole world.
I couldn't put pictures of the boys I refer to later on... I didn't think it was appropriate.
So, I put the next best thing to boyfriends... brothers.

Journal Prompt: "What does it mean to fall in love?  Have you ever fallen in love?"

What is love?

Dictionary.com defines love as:

1. 1.       A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. 2.       A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.

I’m not sure how reliable this is as a source since some of the other definitions were “sexual passion or desire, sexual intercourse and an affair with another person.”

Many popular artists and songs sing about love. In fact you’d be hard pressed to find a song that was written about something other than love. Either about how wonderful love is, how the singer has a broken heart or how much they want/need someone to love. 

I am, however, a big fan of those songs, and singers that sing about love (and teenage angst aka Taylor Swift).  Love sells. Love sells records, dresses, flowers, rings, candy, cakes and all sorts of random assortments. As humans we are addicted to the idea of being in love. I mean we have a whole holiday devoted to love. No one wants to be single and everyone is looking for that someone special to spend the rest of their life with. That’s just how it is.

And as far as I’m concerned… I’m right beside all the other lovesick people in this world. I buy the songs they play on the radio. I have a love song playlist on my iPod. I enjoy going on dates. In fact, I have made a list of qualities I want in my “perfect” guy. Not that I’m looking for anyone anytime soon.

I believe that I have been in love three times. Yes, three times in my young eighteen years. One of those times is the second definition of love however. I love my family. I love them more than I anyone else in this world. I love my mom. She is amazing and one of my best friends. I love my dad. He is the epitome of the perfect guy. Hands down, best dad ever. My brothers? Are the best. End of story. And, you can’t forget my Grandma. I look up to her and care about her more than I think even I know. She is one of the best examples I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. (And of course I love my extended family. That’s just how it works. Well, for me at least.)

The other two times differ as well. The first time was with my first “real” boyfriend. Whatever that means. I fell in love with the kid. He was funny. He was smart. He had an amazing family. And he thought I was the (insert any sappy, romantic, loving phrase here).  I was happy whenever I was around him. We did everything together. We were “going out” for like 6 or 7 months. He never kissed me, and over time that love developed into more of a brotherly love. I began to look at him as a brother or best friend instead of a boyfriend. But, heaven knows I loved the kid. Just differently. Instead of wanting to hold his hand and to cuddle on the couch , I started just wanting to talk, to hang out and go crazy. Don’t get me wrong, the physical is by NO means the most important thing in a relationship. There just wasn’t any there. And so the relationship slowly changed. I was probably stupid for ending it. But, my feelings changed. We were best friends for a long time after that. And I loved that. He taught me what it was like to share everything with someone else. To share secrets, friends, food, fun you name it. I had fun. I miss that sometimes.

The second time was a couple months after the previous relationship. There was something different about this though. It was the same type of love, I think. I enjoyed spending every second I could with this guy. We could talk about anything and we always had a lot of fun. There was however, the element of protection involved. He didn’t have an ideal home life like I had. And, I always felt bad for him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to not worry about that. I loved him in a different way than the boy mentioned above.  I wanted to help him. I especially liked that he went to my school and I was able to flaunt him around school. He was funny, he was loved by my family, he was good to his parents, he was nice, he was outgoing and made friends easy and he was sweet and wanted to make me happy. We had a good, fun-loving relationship. It was at times tumultuous (but always behind the scenes). I always had a good time when he was around. He, for the most part, shared my sense of humor. He let me tease him. And he thought I was amazing. We could talk on the phone for hours and I was happy. There’s no need to go into details. But, we ended up breaking up. It was a rough ending to what was (for the most part) a really good relationship. Things ended. We weren’t really on speaking terms. I was done with it. That was until the first weeks of January. I had dated a couple other guys in the months that passed. When suddenly I realized I did still care about him. I wanted him to be mine again. Turns out he missed me as well. We dated again for an additional like 5 or 6 months. (So, the first time was around 8 months, we were off for 6 or 7 months. And then the final 5 or 6 months. A big portion of my life ha).

I am missing in both examples quite a few components that I wanted to share but, because I didn't plan out my journal entry they didn't fit in as well as i'd hoped. Oh well. There was more to both relationships. I just dunno how to put them in.

Now, inexperienced an immature as I’m sure I am to some people, that is the extent of my “love life.” There were a couple other boys I dated/liked thrown in that mix. But, nothing like those two boys. Love is complicated and simple. Love is overrated and underrated at the same time. Something I’ve learned though is love is worth it. Make it count. Make it something special.

You Heard IT Here First.

Sophia Giler is taking a break from dating.

That's right. And you heard it here first. 

It is emotionally exhausting. I can not go on more than one date with someone before things get WILDLY out of hand. 

For all my readers outside of Utah, the majority of the BYU freshman boys are extremely confused. 

Many of them think that a date means that I LIKE them (more than just friends), and that if I hang out after the date, or tell them I had fun that CLEARLY I am interested. I swear. I can't just be friends with anyone. 

It's not just that though. I just haven't met anyone that I feel like I do REALLY like. Sometimes, I think POSSIBLY I might, maybe could like them. But, I just end up having another conversation with someone saying "I really just want to be friends. Maybe we should be friends. I don't know that I like you like that." Or a weird combination of all three. It is at that point that... I never hear from them again. 

It's annoying. And not like the real world. 

I described my perfect guy to my roommate Nikole, and our friend Dan. They laughed at how unrealistic my demands were. (Not that I am looking. NO NO NO. I am not looking for anything serious right now so do NOT get the wrong impression.) Anyways. (Anyways just so happens to be my mom's favorite word. Everyone use it incorrectly and often when around her.) Here is my list. Just to humor you:

I'll start with the physical traits:

• Short blonde hair. Or short(to medium) brown hair. 
• Tall
• Buff (Muscular) (Good body)
• Athletic
• Cute Smiles (dimples if he can pull them off. One of my TA's has the CUTEST dimples when he smiles. Sadly he's married.)
• Pretty eyes. (Like dimples, those are optional)
• Dresses good. AKA Likes to wear cute clothes.
• Ashton Kutcher. Ha just kidding. But i'd take him. :)
• Enjoys good music. Can play an instrument/sing (preferably but not a MUST).

Personality Traits:

• Enjoys his religion classes just as much as I do.
• Good sense of humor. 
• Funny, but knows when to be serious.
• Honest. 
• Respectful to his parents. 
• Mature with a hint of immaturity. (The right kind of immaturity)
• Good head on his shoulders. 
• Motivated. 
• And IF we are talking about marriage (which were not anytime soon) He has to think I hung the Sun, Moon, Stars and anything else impressive in space.
• Sweet. 
• Be able to carry an educated conversation. Will say sweet things in person, not just over text/email etc...
• Some interest in politics and the world.
• Trustworthy. 

That's about it. Yes. I know I just named the perfect guy. Maybe I should lower my expectations. They are kind of high. 

Oh did I mention I want someone straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel??

So, other than my unrealistic post about the perfect guy, I really am taking a break from the dating scene. Like my facebook status stated the other day I'm "chasing a ghost." (I'm semi obsessed with that line... Dan gave it to me. But, it is my situation to a T)

Anyways, I miss my family and friends. I am excited for Christmas. :) :) I get to see Grams for Thanksgiving. And I am beyond excited. I love her so MUCH. I called her twice last week. I'm sure she is plenty annoyed with my constant phone calls. ;) Just kidding. 

I need a break from school. I need to get away. I am excited for next semester. I'm taking ice skating. That's about all that's on my mind. 

I'm obsessed with this version of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream they did on Glee. My mom hates the song. But, I love it. Sorry Mom. It's really good though.

Cutest Bread Bowls EVER.

Cutest bread bowl EVER. Complete with KILLER soup.

 :) After the Howl, Jenna, Chase and I came back with Mariss and stayed the night. She was getting sick.. So we had to go to church without her. BUT when we got home we had the best "interactive dinner ever!!

Jenna enjoying her meal :)

First. Hollow out your bread bowl
Second. Fill with soup.
Third. Eat.
Chase pounded his.

Chase and Aunt B. :) And the bread Bowl.

I'm not doing as good as I promised...

School is time consuming.

And not enough happens in one day that is worth blogging about. Trust me.

I had a fun Halloween though! We drove to Ogden (Me, Chase and Jenna) from Provo on Saturday early afternoon. There was some BAD traffic on the way down there. It took an hour to get out of Provo.

Then once we got on 1-15 there was some construction. As soon as we started to get some momentum and sped up... the worst happened. They decided to take away a lane. Heaven forbid. Instead of just getting over like normal drivers, these people decided to keep driving until the LAST possible second. Then they had to slow down and wait to get over. Well, the result of this? More traffic. Some people.

Then we get out of that mess finally! (Chase was going on about California and their "zipper-effect" lane changing. And how it's only in Utah that drivers create their own traffic. I'd have to agree. We could get farther in New York City in an hour than we did in Provo and I-15).

Anyways we start speeding up again... AND! Out of nowhere speeds a police car with it's lights flashing. Of course everyone begins to panic and slows down. Well, that's only normal right? Only this police car zooms in front of the pack of cars and begins to WEAVE in and out of the lanes. Going from the far right lane over to the far left lane (still with his lights on). We were in shock. Me and Chase and Jenna were all laughing and could not FATHOM what the cop was doing. Chase said that clearly the traffic had ended before the cop had wanted and he was slowing things back down. The car continues to swerve, several times almost hitting the concrete barriers, until randomly he flicks his lights off and gets off at the exit.

Does anyone have the number you call for rogue police officers?

Anyways, we get to Aunt B's and spend the afternoon talking, snacking and getting ready (much thanks to Aunt B).

Here are the final results:

Chase, Mariss, Me, Jenna

Edward Cullen, Ke$ha, Batwoman, Greek Goddess

I love him.

Family!!!

The HOWL at Utah State was a LOT of fun! We drove down with Mariss, Jenna, Chase, Me and Matt in one car and Lance, Karlie, McKade, Whitney, Autin, Josh, Brian and Melly in the other.

Brian Josh Matt Chase Whit Kar Mariss Me
Melly Mckade Austin Lance

Mariss Melly and Me in the bathroom

A nerd, Batwoman and Peter!

After the dance! My hair and make up is GROSS.

Cause I love her
And his costume is AWESOME

Me and my PiC at the dance
I look so NASTY!!

The dance was so hot, but so fun! :)