Journal Entry 3

I didn't realize I would be writing about relationships so much this week. I guess I should start like an advice column in the local newspaper or something.

I don't mean to seem obsessed with the subject. I just realized that I had forgotten to post my journal entries for my English class. So, to attempt and write everyday, when I don't have anything to say i'll throw one of my journal entries in!

The two best little brothers in the whole world.
I couldn't put pictures of the boys I refer to later on... I didn't think it was appropriate.
So, I put the next best thing to boyfriends... brothers.

Journal Prompt: "What does it mean to fall in love?  Have you ever fallen in love?"

What is love?

Dictionary.com defines love as:

1. 1.       A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. 2.       A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend.

I’m not sure how reliable this is as a source since some of the other definitions were “sexual passion or desire, sexual intercourse and an affair with another person.”

Many popular artists and songs sing about love. In fact you’d be hard pressed to find a song that was written about something other than love. Either about how wonderful love is, how the singer has a broken heart or how much they want/need someone to love. 

I am, however, a big fan of those songs, and singers that sing about love (and teenage angst aka Taylor Swift).  Love sells. Love sells records, dresses, flowers, rings, candy, cakes and all sorts of random assortments. As humans we are addicted to the idea of being in love. I mean we have a whole holiday devoted to love. No one wants to be single and everyone is looking for that someone special to spend the rest of their life with. That’s just how it is.

And as far as I’m concerned… I’m right beside all the other lovesick people in this world. I buy the songs they play on the radio. I have a love song playlist on my iPod. I enjoy going on dates. In fact, I have made a list of qualities I want in my “perfect” guy. Not that I’m looking for anyone anytime soon.

I believe that I have been in love three times. Yes, three times in my young eighteen years. One of those times is the second definition of love however. I love my family. I love them more than I anyone else in this world. I love my mom. She is amazing and one of my best friends. I love my dad. He is the epitome of the perfect guy. Hands down, best dad ever. My brothers? Are the best. End of story. And, you can’t forget my Grandma. I look up to her and care about her more than I think even I know. She is one of the best examples I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. (And of course I love my extended family. That’s just how it works. Well, for me at least.)

The other two times differ as well. The first time was with my first “real” boyfriend. Whatever that means. I fell in love with the kid. He was funny. He was smart. He had an amazing family. And he thought I was the (insert any sappy, romantic, loving phrase here).  I was happy whenever I was around him. We did everything together. We were “going out” for like 6 or 7 months. He never kissed me, and over time that love developed into more of a brotherly love. I began to look at him as a brother or best friend instead of a boyfriend. But, heaven knows I loved the kid. Just differently. Instead of wanting to hold his hand and to cuddle on the couch , I started just wanting to talk, to hang out and go crazy. Don’t get me wrong, the physical is by NO means the most important thing in a relationship. There just wasn’t any there. And so the relationship slowly changed. I was probably stupid for ending it. But, my feelings changed. We were best friends for a long time after that. And I loved that. He taught me what it was like to share everything with someone else. To share secrets, friends, food, fun you name it. I had fun. I miss that sometimes.

The second time was a couple months after the previous relationship. There was something different about this though. It was the same type of love, I think. I enjoyed spending every second I could with this guy. We could talk about anything and we always had a lot of fun. There was however, the element of protection involved. He didn’t have an ideal home life like I had. And, I always felt bad for him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to not worry about that. I loved him in a different way than the boy mentioned above.  I wanted to help him. I especially liked that he went to my school and I was able to flaunt him around school. He was funny, he was loved by my family, he was good to his parents, he was nice, he was outgoing and made friends easy and he was sweet and wanted to make me happy. We had a good, fun-loving relationship. It was at times tumultuous (but always behind the scenes). I always had a good time when he was around. He, for the most part, shared my sense of humor. He let me tease him. And he thought I was amazing. We could talk on the phone for hours and I was happy. There’s no need to go into details. But, we ended up breaking up. It was a rough ending to what was (for the most part) a really good relationship. Things ended. We weren’t really on speaking terms. I was done with it. That was until the first weeks of January. I had dated a couple other guys in the months that passed. When suddenly I realized I did still care about him. I wanted him to be mine again. Turns out he missed me as well. We dated again for an additional like 5 or 6 months. (So, the first time was around 8 months, we were off for 6 or 7 months. And then the final 5 or 6 months. A big portion of my life ha).

I am missing in both examples quite a few components that I wanted to share but, because I didn't plan out my journal entry they didn't fit in as well as i'd hoped. Oh well. There was more to both relationships. I just dunno how to put them in.

Now, inexperienced an immature as I’m sure I am to some people, that is the extent of my “love life.” There were a couple other boys I dated/liked thrown in that mix. But, nothing like those two boys. Love is complicated and simple. Love is overrated and underrated at the same time. Something I’ve learned though is love is worth it. Make it count. Make it something special.