I had a wonderful weekend in which I got to go to Ogden and spend time with my family and friends there. It felt good to be in a house again. A house that came with a mom, a dad (even though he was absent), a refrigerator with food that actually looked appetizing, a home cooked meal, a real bed and family.
I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss Hayden and Blake. I miss my Grandma. I miss my friends. I miss my bed. I miss my house. I miss my car. I miss coming home and talking to my mom about my day. I took a lot for granted and I made a resolution to stop doing that.
I am thankful for the things I have. I am especially thankful for the wonderful memories I have. I can't think of anything I wish would've played out differently. I can't think of any MAJOR decisions I would alter.
I miss my Dad. I miss him everyday. I know I don't call him as much as I should. But, I love him. I am forever thankful for his example. I am so grateful that I am able to be his only daughter. I know that I was blessed and me and my brothers are extremely lucky to have him as our father. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. Hands down. I want my husband to be my dad. Not like that. I regret not calling him like I should've. I regret not being as nice as I should be. I regret not taking his help on homework with kindness, appreciation and respect. I miss him. I miss his hugs. I miss his dumb comments. Ok, not dumb. I miss his smile and his laugh. I miss seeing him walk into the kitchen after work, looking stunning as usual in his professional attire. I miss sitting by him in Sacrament and him putting his arm around me. I miss his example. I miss talking about really anything and the conversation never being awkward. I miss his forever long Sunday prayers. I miss him. I think he is wonderful and I love him.
I miss my Mom. I call her almost everyday. And I am forever thankful for the friend, parent, mentor and guidance counselor she is to me. I know that what I say to her stays with her, and I miss her a lot. I miss climbing on her bed late at night and talking with her. I miss her getting mad at me for making fun of her working out. I miss her talking with my friends. I miss going on car rides/errands with her just for the company. I miss her incredibly awkward comments about kissing people. I miss seeing her when I talk to her. I miss yelling down the stairs to find out where she is. I miss answering the phone and people mistaking me for her. (An extremely generous compliment as I would have some pretty big shoes to fill). I miss going to find her glasses/purse as she sits on the computer. I miss making fun of some of her whacky clients. I miss her food. I miss sitting on the counter as she makes food. I miss her joking around with us except when we take it too far. I miss playing board games with her cheating/cocky self. I miss the fun times I have had with her and each of my brothers. I miss her genuine interest in my life. I miss her terribly. I miss everything from her designer sunglasses to her calendar with all our appointments to her banning us from food because we complain to coming home and immediately feeling loved by someone especially on the hardest of days.
I love my family. I love them all so very much. I really do. And the more I think about growing up the more I dread it. I have already moved out of my house and to a new state and I can't take much more I don't think. I have never been one to despise or fear change. I have semi-embraced the thrill of finding out who is in my class on the first day of school or the new and different.
But, I am not ready to leave for long periods of time. I miss everything too much. I was blessed beyond measure where family (especially parents) are concerned.
These weird emotional breakdown/catharsis things are getting annoying! (One every semester is too much!) In a way though, I love them. They make me realize what I have and keep me from taking everything for granted. Because I had the life. I have the life. But, I'm not ready to grow up. I need my parents. I need my brothers. This change is one I have mixed feelings about. I'm not sure what i'll do when the time comes to make that change. Probably cry some more. And then put my big girl panties and grow up.
Goodnight.
Mercy! How could I be the first one to comment?!
ReplyDeleteThat was such a sweet post, Sophie. I can tell you, as a mother, there is not much that can satisfy and make a mother happy than a darling daughter who love her family and finds joy in the relationships that have been built together. I have to agree your mom and dad are pretty special, along with the boys!! Your mom is a perfect example of style combined with goodness and righteousness and your dad (who never grows old...) is just as fine. You do, indeed, come from goodly parents. And, parents that love each other. I always considered that one of my finest blessings--parents who loved each other and served each other. And as a parent, I know that this is one of the finest gifts I give to my own children. Becoming an adult is an adventure, but I think you're doing just fine at it! It's natural to feel the longing for home. I just taught my young women a few weeks ago about returning to our celestial home and I compared the desire to get there to the desire to return to our early home after we have been away. We should yearn that much to return to our heavenly home and make sure we live so that we can.
I love these tender posts and it makes me want to be there to give you a big hug, so here are some hugs from across the miles xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
How's that?!
And I'm just waiting to hear your mom's comments about the panties! You're a good one.
Summer is really close at hand. Your bed is waiting. Home made rolls await and most likely a good cake or two. You can make it. Love you so.
...sorry about the typos...too much in a hurry!
ReplyDeleteI miss you! If I had a blog and wrote about how much I missed having you around and being in your daily life and how often my heart hurt for your sweet smile, it would sound similar to yours! I miss many of the same things, well maybe not the ridicule as I exercise, but I do yearn for our talks and hugs.
ReplyDeleteSusan gives you wise advise in living a life so that you can return to your Heavenly Father as he misses you, too. However, when you express these tender thoughts it makes me want to jump on the next flight out. I feel I need to be there to hug you and have you close by.
My heart is full when I think of how much Brenda opens her home and heart to you and Chase. Could I be any more fortunate than to have such a loving sister, so willing to take my sweet, sweet children in and love them.
Just this Sunday, I was telling someone to be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it! Oh, how I wanted you to get your hearts desire and get into BYU. Of course, the sacrifice has been great. I do not get you and Chase home on weekends or short holidays, and this been difficult for a mother that wants to hear about her children's daily activities and meet every friend and boyfriend.
You are a joy to your dad and I and we are so very proud of you and the choices you make. You have no idea how often I talk about you. People probably say "Linda just thinks that daughter of hers hung the moon, she talks about her nonstop and she is 1,500 miles away!" Well, they are right, I do think you hung the moon and I do love you, dearly and look forward to our spending the summer together!
You are a strong young woman and capable of many things. You have set a wonderful example for your brothers, who love you very much. We can't wait to see you, and have you back in your home. Keep being awesome and I love you, bunches!
It was a good post. I agree with the other two's comments. I will remain anonymous as I have been instructed not to post. I would say "no regrets" is a good rule. Life is a journey (not a destination) and if you feel like you didn't do something you should, start doing it now. You have a long and happy life ahead. I am especially proud of you and reading your post made me misty. Love you and hope to see you soon.
ReplyDeleteSilent Bob
Just so you know....I am still looking for my big girl panties. I have been out of college for 10 years, and I miss being home in some ways. It was nice being a kid. Now my goal is to make my kids as safe and secure as my dad made me, and clearly your parents made you.
ReplyDelete