Birthdays...

It's officially my birthday. That's right... I'm 19 years old. 

Birthdays are a weird concept. We celebrate the day we were born, a celebration of today or that day, yet on our "special day" we're always thinking about the years ahead. How old we're GETting. But, that's to be expected right? Cause we're not getting any younger. 


This birthday hit me harder than any of the ones before. Every birthday (or most) seem to have held SOME significance. 


At 5, I was ready for school. At 8, in our church, I was excited and ready to be baptized. At 12, I joined the ranks with the other awkward "pre-teens" dying for 13 to come around. And when it did I couldn't wait to be 15 and get my permit. At 16 I was ready to hit the road. (For most people) 17 years old means... R rated movies. At 18 I was legal, ready to buy my cigarettes, lottery tickets and date anyone of any age. (Just kidding, Mom.)


Here I sit... 19 years old. And what's this birthday's significance? I'm almost 20. That's old. In one year I will be TWENTY years old. Where has the time gone? Where are the days where I picked my nose and watched TV ;). The days where I was excited to learn and ready to go. The days where I sat around the house and goofed off with friends. The days where I went out on dates only to be summoned home as soon as the clock came CLOSE to midnight. 


Time shows no mercy. I am 19 years old. That is not OK. My childhood is gone. I am more of an adult than I was last year. I want to go back to middle school. I want to go back to when things were easy. When my Mom made my meals and did my laundry. I want to go back to feeling at ease and at home. I want a room that is ALL mine. I want to be in a house where 3 crazy boys are always stirring up trouble.


Instead, while I start the New Year off at home in North Carolina, the majority of it will be spent in the frozen arctic of Provo, Utah. Away from the antics of my little brothers (luckily i'll have Chase), sharing a room half the size of mine now, making my own food, doing SOME/Very Little (Thank you Aunt B) of my laundry, and I will be starting more classes that are probably harder than the last. 


19 is different. 19...

• Nineteen is the 8th smallest prime number.
• 19 was the emote (in video games) before LOL was used.
• The nineteenth state to enter the union was Indiana (Shout-out to my roommate Jenna).
• According to the Qur'an there are 19 angels guarding Hell.
• 19 is the atomic number of potassium.
• 19 most often represents selfishness, dependency, inability to see things from others' viewpoints, isolation, greed, theft, self-importance, addiction, aggression, intolerance, ego-centric outlook, abuse of power, disrespect of others, coercion, refusal to seek help from others, and self-centeredness. Success comes after establishing balanced self-sufficiency, yet also a capacity for cooperation and interpersonal skills.
• According to Stephen King's the Dark Tower "to be" or "to have gone 19" means something has gone wrong or is just plain weird.
• 19 is an AMAZING Renault car.
• BUT, most importantly nineteen is the last number to contain the suffix... teen.

Life goes by quickly. For example, this year flew by. ;) It really did. I graduated, went on a cruise/family reunion and finished a semester of college in the blink of an eye. Where is life going?! 

Enough of the wishing. Besides other than buying alcohol at 21 nothing good happens after 18. So, enough of the wishing. Enough of the desire to move on to the next chapter of my life. At 19, this is the birthday where I am going to slow down. I am going to stop and appreciate what I have. I am going to enjoy being 19. Because, one day, when I'm older I'll look back and wish to be 19 again. 

If there is one thing you can't get back... it's time. And harsh words/hurt feelings, farts and money from that stingy friend. So, I guess that's more than one thing. But, whatever.

"Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count."

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Minutes pass by into hours. And a minute ago is gone forever. Trying to stop and hold onto time is like trying to catch rain. You will catch some of it, little small drops that are teeny in comparison to the rest that is slipping through your fingers. The majority of it will fall, forgotten. But, you will always remember the things that matter and what you had because your hand will always get wet. (Was that a bad analogy? It is 3am.)

Make today count.

Oh. And Happy Birthday to me. :)